Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-28-2012, 10:07 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 208

Wonder what I'll be like in my forties I have a pretty killer sex drive now as it is. H and I have some sort of play pretty much every day except when I'm with L, and L and I pretty much spend most of our time in bed when we're together.

Good times
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2012, 05:47 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,338

I'm feeling the "whoosh" too -- who knows if it is perimenopause rush or what.

So you aren't alone.

Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 12:55 AM
Tom Tom is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 10

I'll speak on my wife's behalf and say that her libido increase had to do with 2 main things: 1. her age (shes 44 now) 2. and her bf. I'll preface by adding that she was never a sex nympho back when we were still monogamous. We would have sex about 2-3 times a week. She was very content and even thought 2-3 times was too much at times. That was in her mid to late thirties after having 2 children.

But her libido gradually started to increase the last couple of years when she entered her 40s. Unfortunately, during her libido climb, I was on the verge of getting into my libido decrease. When she finally brought her bf into her sex life, they would have sex 2-3 times a week just like we used to at the peak of our libido as a couple. But that wasn't the thing that surprised me the most about my wife's libido increase. What surprised me was that her sexual limits increased as well. Her "size limit" increased and her interest in kinky and more exciting sex also increased. If you had mentioned kinky or exhibitionist sex to my wife a couple of years ago, she would have scoffed. It's a completely different story now.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 09:45 AM
Helo's Avatar
Helo Helo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
This is not just a poly question so, mods, if this is more appropriate elsewhere, please move it.

So I am a woman in my early forties. I am finding that my libido is MUCH more intense and stronger than anytime before in my life. No comparision to my thirties or twenties. I want sex more often, more intensely than ever before. I mentioned this to a woman friend who is slightly older than me and she said 'Welcome to your forties!'

It's not a bad thing, that's for sure! But sometimes it drives me a bit crazy. I do think that poly has had some effect - I have heard that the more one has sex, the more one wants sex. I think there is some personal truth for me in that statement.

It's been very unexpected. Have others experienced something similar? (I'm not just asking the women.) Is it hormones? Something else?

GG mentioned in another thread that she has friends who tell her 'That is what being in your [fill in age] is like, you're normal!' Or something along those lines. So I'm hoping for something similar here...
I cant exactly speak from experience (my experience with being a woman in her 40's is VERY limited) but I do know that changes in libido can be linked to a couple of different factors.

First, how happy you are. If you're depressed or stressed, sex generally seems less appealing. You may still want it but you dont have that "fire" that you otherwise might.

Second, health. That's probably the biggest one that I've experienced personally. If you feel like crap, sex is less appealing because of how you feel. I lost like 30 pounds and started working out and good gods there were days where I felt like I could screw for HOURS and not feel like I'd had enough. Those were often on days that, for reasons I've yet to figure out, I felt like I could get in a fist fight with a moving bus and win.

I've been experimenting with various neurotransmitters in the brain and I've noticed there are definitely...combinations that contribute to increased sex drive but I have no idea how the dosages relate to normal levels in the brain.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 09:45 PM
bassman bassman is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 475

I am a male, and I passed this observation to a female friend who says this

"0ver 40, osedtrogen begins declining, and testosterone becomes boss. Testosterone is vital to women and thier sex drive"
Male M, struggling noob.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2013, 06:37 PM
bobcat725 bobcat725 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Metro Detroit
Posts: 12

Me too. I'm 46 and my libido shot through the roof. And the more I had sex, the more I wanted it. It was almost a nuisance, really. Like I became so distracted throughout the day with thoughts of having intercourse or getting off.

I have read that for some women going through peri-menopause that this is very common (the lucky few!). For others, it's the opposite: no sex drive.

I hope I stay on the high side for a while. I know my husband is happier about that :-)
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2013, 12:05 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,584

My sex drive increased at age 42, when I was still married and mono. I think it was partly a hormonal change. That is also when i started ejaculating like crazy during sex, and my ex and I were all, what the what??

At that time my youngest of 3 kids was 5 and finally sleeping thru the night. Also my husband was making more money than ever so we had time and money for travel, live music, sight seeing and fun things like that.

Also, he finally accepted that I am bisexual, instead of fighting it and mocking it.

So, we had tons of sex for a couple years, then tried to get a unicorn for my bi nature, which went horribly wrong and our sex life died for a few years. I was extremely depressed and went on Zoloft for a year and became sexless.

Finally I got advice from some online gfs and gave it one last shot and started subbing to him, and also desiring we go out on more dates and sexy weekend getaways again. Ex h was thrilled with the frequent (every night) sex, but by that point I was flirting online a lot with a number of men and ultimately he couldnt go back to being really poly with me so we broke up.

However, since our breakup, my sex drive has continued to be off the hook. With my gf, with all the guys I've been driven to flirt with, date and fuck. I am also doing all this kink stuff.

So, for me I think it was more hormones and having less responsibility to be a 24/7 exhausted parent. Because I was horny with the ex, with whom I did not get along in many ways, as well as horny with all the people since.

I am now 57 and my younger self would never have believed I would still be such an insatiable slut.

Good thing my 60 yr old bf can keep up with me. I mean, we only meet once a week for 24 hours, but generally have sex 4, 5, 6 times. In other words, have sex constantly with breaks for a bit of food and sleep and the occasional hike or museum tour. Um, quite often there is fondling on the hikes and in the museums as well, come to think of it.

It's funny, my gf is 35 and her libido is increasing lately. (We had a year of hot NRE sex and then about 2 1/2 yrs of less sex than I'd like. Maybe only once a week, and vanilla! Bleh!) But her confidence as a person and a woman is increasing a lot lately, so she's getting into that pattern too. I think. I sure hope so, because I love it.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Kahlo (my ex, 46)
Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2013, 04:26 PM
newme newme is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6

My 'awakening' thats what DH and I call it, happened at 37 and is still happening (I'm 39). DH can't keep up and I settle for 3-4 times a week. I take care of myself other times. Funny thing is we are in the middle stage of becoming poly for him (thus why I'm on the forum). I plan on remaining mono. I'm too hung up right now on our marriage changing after 19 years to even consider poly for myself. I feel like I need to focus on getting through the changes he's requesting before I would even consider it.
Reply With Quote

aging, libido, sex

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 01:24 PM.