what a tangled web we weave....
First of all I'd like to thank you all for sharing your seemingly endless recourses, stories, and experiences. I spent most of the day yesterday curled up with my laptop and a cup of coffee clicking link after link after link.... I am so happy to have found this forum and share my story.
I am a 30 y/o straight female and have been married for 8 years to my 36 y/o straight husband. We have 2 young children together, a 5 and a 3 year old.
About a year and a half ago we met a couple and, as I'm sure many story's begin, things have never been the same....
We hit it off well and did a lot of double dating, movies, dinners, playdates for the kids (they have 2 as well 8 & 5 y/o's). Our schedules worked well with each other, her husband works late nights and mine traveled a lot. She and I were able to keep each other company either in person or via text conversations. When my husband was out of town I'd join their family for the day with my kids, and when he was here we'd all plan days together.
Then there was sushi night. A double date like any other. We had a wonderful dinner, great company, easy conversation and lots of sake. No one wanted the evening to end so we went back to their house. A couple bottles of wine later we found ourselves in the middle of a friendly game of "truth of dare" in their jacuzzi. They shared they had attempted a foursome in years past but had ended up with a girl/girl/guy threesome when their male guest accidentally overindulged and passed out. That night I had my first girl/girl kiss and she and I both had minimal interaction with each other's husbands.
This was very out of character for me, and I believe my husband was enjoying himself but very on guard since this was something we had never discussed or even contemplated. Our relationship with them remained the same for the most part, but there was now this sexual tension between us... I was very interested, my husband was not. He expressed clearly that he had no desire "share" me.
Our dates soon became more elaborate, little staycations. Both couples would arrange for sitters to stay the night with kids and we would have a night on the town. Nightclubs and hotel rooms became the norm, we'd either have a suite or rooms down the hall from each other so we could stay together. There was sexual interaction between she and I and one morning of heavy petting and making out with each other's spouses. Also a sexual exchange between she and my husband that ended badly when he thought I was with her husband in another room (which I was not).
We've since been navigating the waters of trying to maintain a platonic relationship with them, but it has never worked. We've all behaved on the physical front but the text messages fly and my relationship with them has deepened as a result of the time that I spend alone while my husband travels, they are my support system. A flirty, sexually charged, and very exciting support system!
In August I discovered my husband had been having an affair for over 3 years and things changed once again. I wish I could say I was floored, but I wasn't. The best way I can describe it is that I new without knowing, if that makes any sense. My immediate response was to turn to the male part of our couple friends and confide in him. I felt safe, loved, and taken care of. There was no threat to my relationship that I could see, his advice was always supportive of me staying and making it work, but also standing my ground. We became very close, the problem was we now had a secret. We were both hiding our communication with each other from our spouses.
My husband eventually found out and had to sit us down several times before we finally agreed to stop communicating. We both also sat with his wife and "confessed" to her. She was extremely understanding and I feel was more upset that he had hidden our communication and that I hadn't confided in her. We managed to work it out, all along continuing our social calendar together.
I have decided to continue my relationship with my husband. He is my life partner, the father of my children, my best friend, and someone I'm not willing to lose. I understand that he must have been lonely during his travels just like I was. He found comfort in the arms of another woman and I found comfort and distraction with this couple, and the more I think about it, several other things in the past.
This New Years day, my husband and I finally had "the talk." I expressed to him that this is something I truly want to pursue. We discussed our individual relationships, his with his now "ex", ours with the couple, his/mine with the couple, his/mine with both the male and female in the couple individually, and our own. In discussing this I realized that there were many similarities between his relationship with his "ex" and mine with the male in this couple. I had a moment of clarity. I offered a compromise... He can have her back (his "ex") if I can have them (my couple). Everything out in the open, honest, caring, and communicated. We approached them and they accepted, the "ex" also accepted... now, we are trying to figure things out. How do we actually do this?!
So I ask you. I know there is no one cookie cutter "right way" that works for everyone, but there has to be some general guidelines! I don't want to reinvent the wheel. In the couple weeks or so that this has been going on, we've encountered competitiveness, jealousy, insecurity, miscommunication, anger, and a lot of frustration!
As I sit typing this my husband is out of town visiting his girlfriend who text me last night to thank me for letting him visit. My boyfriend is contemplating coming over for a quick hi after his Costco run. His wife, my girlfriend is sitting home with her kids texting me about her insecurities about my husband being away with his girlfriend..... ugh, my head hurts!
I apologize in advance for the tangle, I tried to keep this as straight forward and concise as possible, just a lot of info to convey I guess.
Ok guys, where do I start?!