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Old 01-10-2013, 12:59 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 200

Originally Posted by IrisAwakened View Post
.. wondering if you feel this way about Poly because it speaks to who you are as a person, or is it because you are a having issues you are avoiding (perhaps without notice).
Or, to be less negative about it, a marriage might have issues that you are aware of but cannot necessarily solve. Choosing to be poly might help sustain a marriage that has value but is not meeting everyone's emotional needs.

But I completely agree that significant effort needs to be put into maintaining the initial relationship. Although that's true whether you add poly to the mix or not; it's just that the poly can exacerbate it.

I wonder whether it's also tough to know whether a relationship is strong enough to bear the new structure because people tend to change in response to the new relationship. I know the last year has posed a lot of challenges for me and I have changed as a result; I'm lucky in that I think this has strengthened my capacity to have relationships, including my marriage, but I can imagine that such changes could also interfere with a bond.

Not sure that it matters, but I definitely question whether poly "speaks to who I am as a person"; my long-term assumption was the opposite.
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