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Old 01-09-2013, 11:14 PM
bassman bassman is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post

I am so sorry about your nephew's passing and that the anniversary is causing you pain. It sounds like you two were close. I hope you remember him in ways that help you grieve.
Thank you . He was only 26, imagine a life so short?

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
The year after my divorce was a long, miserable and lonely one. My ex broke up with me and my OSO ended our romantic relationship shortly afterwards. I felt very, very alone. I was devastated by two such losses in so short a time. My life as I knew it ended. I was very broken, sad and lonely.
How I feel now, yes.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
You are broken right now, I'm sorry to say. I was. I am healing but it takes a while. It hurts so much but it is ok to be broken. Mourn your losses - they are real and need acknowledgement.

Focus on building a good co-parenting relationship with your ex. That will be very hard but, as you know, necessary. (Why is she angry with you? Is it different beyond what has already happened?)
Luckily, we have a very good arrangement, Ive seen my boy loads and loads over the festive season. oh, she's angry because I watched some movies with him, thaat made him a bit scared - and she cant get him to go to sleep. It'll pass, Ive apologised, but it gives her ammunition to send me angry messages. ( and im sure, in her mind, it proves her right about how useless I am - she is LOOKING for fault in me)

Rely on your friends and family. [/QUOTE] They have been great, and one of them keeps complimenting me, and telling what a gem I am, and how my wife is making a mistake. That certainly helps !

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
They supported me through some miserable times. Get out of the house, go do things you enjoy even if you don't freakin' feel like it sometimes. This will help you make more friends, which is a good thing. Rant on here when you want to.
I like sailing, so i am trying to fix up my boat and get OUT there again.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Get counseling if you think it would be helpful. (This is still on my to do list.) And if you are a pet person and can take care of one, get a pet. The only reason I got out of bed on some days was because my dog needed me.
Oh dear, I travel, so it needs to be low maintenance - a snake maybe? lol!

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
This first year after divorce will be one of the hardest of your life. The pain will lessen and become more manageable. You will have good days again. You will become less broken and eventually more wholly yourself. You will discover new things about yourself that you never anticipated. This is startling but a good thing. But it will not be fast or straightforward.
I can only, at the moment, look forward to having my boy on every 2nd weekend. this helps - I love just jumping in the car and going away for a weekend. We seldom did it because 1) We struggled to save - shes ok with spending more than we earn - I am not. 2) We had committments - Cubs on a Fri night, she ran a beavers colony on Sat mornings, my boy had piano lesson saturday morning. then she ran the church crech on Sundays for about 3 years. (dont get me wrong, volunteering is important - but surely organiastions can expect you , to once in a while, phone them "im going away with my family on such and such a weekend. lets find a stand-in or cancel the say". But I felt so trapped, and England is beautiful, we meigrated here 10 years ago - theres so much history, and beautiful coastline, castles, and and and.... I WANT to go and see that stuff. Maybe now I can do it?

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Now is the time just to hold on and grieve. If your experience is anything like mine, it will be all you can do anyway.
Thanks for writing , Ive had a nice evening chatting on Blackberry and Whatssap, and Im feeling a tiny bit better.
Male M, struggling noob.
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