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  #11  
Old 01-07-2013, 03:54 AM
SnC SnC is offline
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Well, there you go. *sigh*
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  #12  
Old 01-07-2013, 07:27 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Welcome SnC,

Sorry you were slapped with a wet-fish, the minute you opened yourself up,....
It just seems to be the nature of the beast. Experiences get triggered,..we all do it from time to time.

Take what value you can get from the site, and to hell with the rest.
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  #13  
Old 01-07-2013, 04:44 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I just wanted to know if you were male or female, since you didnt say, and since you said your wife wants a male lover. Kinda wondered why. And wondered what the bump in the road is. Like, transitioning from swinging to poly, are you afraid of your wife falling for another guy (if you are a guy) and leaving you?

And like NYCindie said, wanted to let you know it's not etiquette here for a couple to share an account.

In other words, I just wanted a chance to get to know you better so you could gain the "knowledge" you claim to be seeking.
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  #14  
Old 01-07-2013, 06:39 PM
bobcat725 bobcat725 is offline
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Default let's shrug it off and move on

My first posting.... Hi SnC. My husband and I are new to poly, too.

Sorry about all the hooplah with the back and forth of the initial postings.

How about we all start over? I'm hoping to glean some info off this thread.

Last edited by bobcat725; 01-07-2013 at 07:25 PM.
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  #15  
Old 01-07-2013, 06:42 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
And yes, people were putting us on the defensive. With the very first response to this, I had to defend that my wife is in fact her own person, and defend that we are not uncomfortable in addressing ourselves as 'we". I didn't mention anything at all about having threesomes, but then have to defend on that. Now we're finding we have to defend why we will only ever have one account; a point which was already explained but we nevertheless have to defend it anyway.
There was no accusation that your wife is not own person. In fact, both responses explicitly stated that your wife is her own person. Why would you interpret that as us saying exactly the opposite??

How is this forum "forcing" you to be defensive? One person said something that could be taken as abrasive. I agree, her post made assumptions that had no basis in your words. But that's one person, and no single person speaks on behalf of the entire group. Then I responded to her comment by pointing out that you said nothing about threesomes. You seem to have ignored my attempt to help you, but that's cool, I won't take it personally.

Is it possible that you're reading our words through tinted lenses? Have you received hurtful comments about your lifestyle in the past or on non-poly-friendly forums, and you're reading those comments in between the lines of our own, when such is not intended?

You say you're not looking for help with the bump, and that you're here for knowledge and discussion. That's all we're trying to do. But if not the bump, then you haven't given us much fodder for discussion. What was your intention in posting your introduction? If just to say "hi" then that's fine, just let us know that you don't have any specific questions right now, and we'll stop wasting our time on someone who doesn't want our help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SnC View Post
As for my wife creating an account; she doesn't want to. As we've always done, she's always in the loop and prefers that I do the typing.
Actually, folks, I'm siding with SnC on this one. The policy refers to a different situation, wherein two people login separately to the same account and use the first-person-singular to refer to different people in different posts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
That can make for some awkward discussions as the person posting under a username changes from post to post... we want all accounts to be used by a single person.
It's now explicitly clear that the husband is always the one at the keyboard, i.e. "using" the account. He speaks on behalf of his wife by referring to her in the third-person-singular. There's no confusion.

If you're going to harp about policy, make sure you fully understand it first...
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  #16  
Old 01-07-2013, 06:45 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Sorry about that SnC. It happens sometimes that people post without realizing how their "voice" can be perceived in an environment with no tone or body language. Unfortunately we the readers can't KNOW how a writer intended something to be read in every case.

Usually miscommunications can be resolved, since I think we all do it once in a while, but unfortunately there are also those who are either unable or unwilling to take the time to try to read their words as a stranger might, who insist that the reader is "wrong" because "that's not what I meant", and therefore seem to do it more often. I think this forum is better than many, though, because most people do seem to be trying their best most of the time.

Again, sorry that was your first experience here.
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  #17  
Old 01-08-2013, 02:26 AM
SnC SnC is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Sorry about that SnC. It happens sometimes that people post without realizing how their "voice" can be perceived in an environment with no tone or body language. Unfortunately we the readers can't KNOW how a writer intended something to be read in every case.
Well, there are always different ways of seeing. I'm going to chalk up the bad bits in posts above to textual misunderstanding.

Responding to some other elements...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
You say you're not looking for help with the bump, and that you're here for knowledge and discussion. That's all we're trying to do. But if not the bump, then you haven't given us much fodder for discussion. What was your intention in posting your introduction? If just to say "hi" then that's fine, just let us know that you don't have any specific questions right now, and we'll stop wasting our time on someone who doesn't want our help.
We do want help, but we don't (think) we need help with the bump. We've intentionally avoided laying out the circumstances of the 'bump' because (a) we're working through it just fine, (b) we mentioned it to provide some understanding of what brought us here; realizing we needed more education and (c) it is possible the other fellow in this equation may be reading. We're not interested in keeping things from him, but I don't know that he would be interested in us posting about him here. That's why we said in the initial posting, "externally sourced" and left it at that.

As for the intro; we were just trying to be friendly, and add our introduction here. We weren't seeking anything other than just to say 'hi, we're here, this is why, and this is how we came to this table'.

I'm glad things seem to be simmering down in this thread
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  #18  
Old 01-08-2013, 02:33 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Sounds good!

There're lots of great posts on this forum, and many people have been through so many problems, and navigated them publicly, that you can find something for just about any situation you should find yourselves in.

If you do have any specific questions in the future, feel free to start a new thread that addresses them specifically. That's usually the best way to get something seen from a fresh POV.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #19  
Old 01-08-2013, 02:36 AM
SnC SnC is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobcat725 View Post
My first posting.... Hi SnC. My husband and I are new to poly, too.

Sorry about all the hooplah with the back and forth of the initial postings.

How about we all start over? I'm hoping to glean some info off this thread.
If it makes sense for a newbie to the forum to welcome another newbie to the forum, WELCOME!

Being poly is an exciting adventure! Of course, there's lots to learn and understand. Most people in western society don't grow up understanding how to participate in a non-monogamous relationship. We're Disney-programmed (as I've called it) from an early age to find the handsome prince or the fair (usually helpless <choke>) maiden and get married, living happily ever after in marital bliss because you plucked up the courage to say "I do". The formula doesn't work very well for monogamous relationships, and it's an abysmal failure for non-monogamous relationships.

The 'bump' we hit taught us that we really needed to spend some time educating ourselves, and gaining a better understanding of things so we could be better relationship partners in a poly circumstance.

We feel that we're fortunate to be coming to the poly table with five years of swinging experience; the various concerns regarding non-monogamy from a physical perspective have been answered. Emotional aspects played a part too, but not like what we're embarking on now. We hope to learn a lot here.

I don't know that we have a lot of questions just yet. We do know that there's a lot of information we don't know yet, but we're so new to it all that we don't know even the questions we'd like to ask yet. We will probably develop more questions as we read more.
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  #20  
Old 01-08-2013, 02:40 AM
SnC SnC is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
There're lots of great posts on this forum, and many people have been through so many problems, and navigated them publicly, that you can find something for just about any situation you should find yourselves in.
As in our experience in swinging, we're reading threads posted by others regarding various circumstances and discussing it between each other. We think this does a lot to help evoke and clarify thoughts. Kinda like "Oh I would never do that!" and "Well, I think it could work if this were to be the case along with it" and "Ok, yeah that might work but what if this?" It helps foster discussion between us. We think it's a great tool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
If you do have any specific questions in the future, feel free to start a new thread that addresses them specifically. That's usually the best way to get something seen from a fresh POV.

Will do!

By the way; love your sig As I've said before, I don't like labels - they are for packaging, not humans.
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