Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:28 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,235
Default

Well I think your attitude is right and very honest. Take it slow, and give yourself time to acclimatize.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 01-05-2013, 09:23 AM
Fish1470's Avatar
Fish1470 Fish1470 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 14
Default

Hope your weekend goes well Dust, keep chipping away at those negatives mate.

Hi Aquarius, hope you too find some light in the gloom, where in Australia are you? Shows how sheltered my introduction to poly has been, I didn't know there was anyone to talk to here lol.

Be well both of you, Dust you know where I am if it gets tough this weekend mate.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 01-05-2013, 11:23 AM
dust dust is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 29
Default

Thanks Fish,
Yeah, I'm nervous. It'll be weird to sleep alone and know that she is with someone else. But we've had a really nice week and I don't want to let the time apart screw up our time together.

breathe. Keep busy. Give the kids hugs, but not so much that they think I'm crazy.

:-/
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 01-05-2013, 10:37 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,235
Default

And don't pile up your potatoes like the guy on "Close Encouters" did.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-05-2013, 10:44 PM
dust dust is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 29
Default

Drat, there are so many rules to polyamory!

Thanks, that made me laugh
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-05-2013, 10:59 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,235
Default

__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-06-2013, 03:29 AM
SweetSensations's Avatar
SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: El Paso, TX
Posts: 49
Default

Tonight order your favorite take out and make sure you have a comedy or the like on DVD.

What can you do that is luxury? Maybe sleep with a silicone toy. Is it distasteful to say have fun with yourself? It can be masturbation night.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-06-2013, 05:39 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,056
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dust View Post
. . . I don't know what our marriage means anymore, I had a fantasy about us being special and that it was us against the world. That fantasy isn't exactly gone, but I'm having a hard time overlaying it on poly - where the two of us simply can't complete her. I feel like we are meant for each other, and I don't want to give that up.
No one can complete anyone else. We are all whole human beings, and if we feel incomplete, no other person can fix that for us. It's an illusion that only can change from the inside. Likewise, believing that we can complete another person is a dangerous myth to invest in. You start thinking that that is your role in life, and then you won't know what to do with yourself when the bubble bursts and you realize she was whole all along.

But you are a whole person and so is she, so you are both already complete.

Whether in a polyamorous or mongamous relationship structure, you and your wife STILL CAN BE:
special to each other,
allies in facing the challenges of life (the world), AND
meant for each other.

Her being with someone else does not take away or negate any of these things. All it means is that she's spending time and relation with someone else she cares about. That is all. It is not about you.

Explore what makes you happy and new ways of relating to each other. When you look at each other, realize that each day you are new and growing, and there is always more to learn about a person. This is an exciting time, actually - you have the opportunity to create and reframe what your marriage means for you instead of being hypnotized into adopting what society says it should be. Embrace it. All the best...
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 01-06-2013, 05:48 AM
SweetSensations's Avatar
SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: El Paso, TX
Posts: 49
Default

Well said NYC, It was good information for me too. TY
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 01-06-2013, 12:52 PM
dust dust is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 29
Default

I had a breakthrough last night and I want to share it with my new community. It's a little hard to explain, and I feel a little uncomfortable writing it - but I want to share the good with the bad. It feels a bit like boasting, but feeling good about myself is critical and has been difficult on this journey.

It settled in on me that M is poly. My wife is polyamorous. I don't think I'd ever said that, and there was still a lot of resistance in me - especially as she spent the night away for the first time. I felt calm as I realized it - this is right for her. It fits.

And realizing that allows me to feel good about myself instead of sorry for myself. I'm pretty fucking awesome! I'm taking a difficult journey for my partner and look how far we've come! [note: If pain and jealousy are normal and we have to learn to sit with both, then pride is too. I don't want to stay here - but damn it feels good to have a spiral that makes me feel good instead of bad!]

I woke up alone and I feel good. I hope M wakes up and enjoys her morning - and that we both feel that life is as it should be.

I can't wait until she gets home, so we can hug and kiss and rejoice that we are together.

Thanks everyone - I couldn't have gotten this far without this forum.

[Note 2: M is amazing too. I'm sharing my story, and don't want to speak for her. This isn't all about me - but this is just my part of the story].

-D
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:58 AM.