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Old 01-05-2013, 11:20 PM
Tom Tom is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 10

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Physical. I am a very flirty person, with everyone, all of the time. This time was different, I was in over my head before I knew it. I had a fair amount of stored up "horny" and assumed that this was "just" a crazy crush, sex thing. Took me about 9 months to really acknowledge (to myself) the emotional component (they both saw it before I did).
That sounds really special. Rebecca and Dan definitely started out as just friends even though he openly flirted with her from time to time and even propositioned a get together once a little after his divorce. My wife expectedly declined and said she was a happily married woman but definitely acknowledged that he was a good looking guy. He apologized and later blamed his approach to her on his horniness. I didn't resent him for trying. Lots of guys do the same thing and he was just coming off a long divorce. But just like you, my wife had her share of stored horniness as well so she was becoming very sexually attracted to him too. But they remained just good friends as she only kept those feelings as thoughts of fantasy.

After I gave her the green light, she felt free enough to flirt back with him at that point. Rebecca knew that she and Dan were platonically compatible but didn't know if they were sexually compatible. She put down her guard enough for him to eventually invite her back to his house for some sex one day. She accepted and had a great time. She thought he was a great lover and decided that he would be "the guy." Shortly after that, she had the talk about our situation with him. The second time they got together was the night she went out to dinner with him that I had previously mentioned in my other entry. She had originally decided to tell me about him that night in a straightforward manner but got cold feet and felt embarrassed. So she hoped that I would just take all the hints from that night and figure it out myself.

From that night on, it was all friendship and sex until about a couple of months ago when she finally told Dan she loved him. I recently heard it from her myself as previously mentioned. But she knew that she was developing some feelings for him long before she actually realized she had fallen in love with him. Also, our daughter, Sabrina, saw and knew that her mother loved him long before Rebecca or I realized it ourselves so in that way, the emotional realization is very similar to yours.

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
We don't have kids. (Which was not the original plan, but that is another story.)
I see. Happiness is happiness, with or without kids . We also had a harder time with our son when it came to making our poly life official as I would assume is difficult for other poly parents as well. Son accepted it eventually and became very friendly with Dan eventually. Sabrina, on the otherhand, always accepted it and considered Dan to be her mother's bf and eventually step-dad from the start. That was important as our daughter was still living with us when our son, at that point, would have already moved out for college.

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Our small close circle of friends know the whole situation. Our families know that Dude "officially" lives with us and that we are all close. They have incorporated him into our "family" functions (they know he is estranged from his family) and I am sure suspect more but we have never discussed any details. To everyone else, he is our "roommate".
I like that dynamic very much. Both of our families (aside from wife's sister) believe that Dan is just a roommate of ours. But it wasn't easy convincing them why he was our roommate. All three of us have very lucrative careers and essentially don't have a financial reason to have a roommate. Plus, the families know Dan still has his own condo. But we finally convinced them when we pitched the idea that while Dan lives only 30 minutes away from us, he still lives 1 hr 15 minutes from work. From our house, it's only 25 minutes to my wife and Dan's place of work. We told them that Dan hated constantly commuting that far and accepted our offer when he saw the opportunity to cut his commute down a couple times during the week when he really wanted to. Plus, he would be a great carpool asset for my wife. So that story stuck really well.

The only person my wife planned on telling about our situation was her best friend, Nancy. But her sister and Dan's ex-wife ended up finding out by default. Dan's ex-wife found out when she went over to his condo one day to talk about her car. She ended up seeing Rebecca naked and stepping into his shower when she walked by the bathroom. She had met my wife before and knew she was married. She was really disappointed in Dan and Rebecca for engaging in what she initially thought was an affair. To avoid having Rebecca be looked at as a dirty wife, Dan decided to tell his ex-wife about the situation. She was relieved and accepting.

My sister-in-law found out when she unexpectedly visited our house one day at a time she knew I was out of town for business. She walked in the house, went upstairs, looking to find my wife in our bedroom. She opens the door to surprise her and sees Dan fully naked talking to my wife as she put on make-up. Both my wife and her sister were shocked and Rebecca quickly sat her down and began to explain the situation. She too was accepting.

We hope to incorporate Dan into more family functions in the future like yourselves. He has only joined us as a family friend for one family bbq. It went really well and everyone loved him. He does go out in public with my wife as a couple so their love and affection isn't hidden from outsiders in general, just our families.

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
There are kind of two parts to this - the actual sleeping part, and the having sex part. Our schedules are very staggered, so while we all three sleep in the same king-sized bed, we are coming and going to bed at different times. I just go to sleep in the middle regardless of who is with me or if I am alone. (Sometimes Dude chooses to sleep on the couch if MrS is already asleep because MrS snores). Dude likes to cuddle while sleeping, MrS does not. We each have our own blankets if we want them.
Wow, that's great. Our sleeping arrangement is different from yours. Both Dan and I are willing to share my wife but not share her at the very same time therefore we don't all sleep in the the same bed together. Like I mentioned, she will fairly distribute her time to have sex and spend the night with each of us throughout the week. To add to that, we definitely do not "double-tuck" my wife haha. Both Dan and I are very possessive when it comes to sex with Rebecca and like to have our own one-on-one time with her. Although, I am more lenient than Dan when it comes to interference during our sex sessions.

I once peeked into the bedroom to take a quick look at my wife and Dan having sex, not from a fetish point of view but just sheer curiosity for knowing what kind of lover Dan is. I realized that we are essentially different lovers with the way we have sex and even anatomically. Rebecca has mentioned this difference between us and loves it because she can experience 2 entirely different worlds throughout the week. She usually sleeps with only one of us in a given day but we did have one time when she had sex with Dan in the afternoon and then had sex with me later that night. She realized how painful that arrangement was for her and decided that if she ever did double dip again, it would be with me first and then Dan second.

Sabrina, like any other high school teenager living at home, always knew that her mother and I have sex in our home so that was not a new thing for her. She also surprisingly took to the idea of her mother and Dan having sex a lot better than her mother and I having sex. I guess knowing only 1 parent is having sex over both your parents having sex is a lot easier for a child haha. Luckily for our daughter, my wife is not a screamer or a loud moaner. According to my wife, Sabrina has only heard Dan and her mother having sex only when she had to walk by our bedroom door but other than that, she doesn't hear anything from them and never hears anything from my wife and me. We never baby'ed our daughter. She has always been mature and smart enough to handle discussing some things that most children wouldn't discuss with their parents. Because of that and how close she is with her mother, Sabrina is able to talk about some things she may have issues with or is curious about.

As far as other activities go, we like yourself have different things for different partners. My wife and I always handle the more important issues like financial decisions, kids' school stuff, etc. The only important matter that Dan accompanies my wife with is her OBGYN appointments sometimes. She had changed doctors a while ago and Dan knew someone who referred my wife to her new OBGYN. Rebecca decided to have Dan accompany her to the gynecologist for normal routine check ups when she wanted the company. My wife and I also like to travel, go to the movies, and go hiking. While Dan and my wife like to go to the gym together, dine out at fancy restaurants, and go to the nude beach together. There are many more activities but just wanted to show how different our routines are. Dan and I also hang out as well. We'll grab some beers at the bar from time to time, watch Sunday football together, and go to my son's high school and college football games. We get along really well and I consider him to be a friend more than just the "other man" in my wife's life. I will admit that we both still have some bouts of jealousy but we like to consider it healthy and a sign of us caring and wanting enough to be involved with my wife.

Last edited by Tom; 01-05-2013 at 11:24 PM.
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