Hi from Michigan

[kdt26417]

Glad to hear it; hope we can continue to be of help.

[Fish1470]

Kdt puts it perfectly, it's a big period of adjustment and takes time to get straight in your own head. Glad to read you had a better day yesterday dust. I have good ones and bad, sometimes I can see this as the exciting journey it is and other days it feels like everything you held dear has diminished.. Like being told the earths flat after years of believing its not.

You asked about me, I'm not looking for another at the moment, I'm happy that Kat is finding her feet with the whole idea and it has bought us to being more open and honest with each other about our needs and wants.

[SweetSensations]

I am just throwing it out there. I guess I am asking the group- would it help him to "Eff the pain away" like the song. Could another lover help him to cope? What is gonna help you put your brain on the shelf? Maybe some sort of switch of focus. What if your focus became how many different sensations can I give this other woman ? Start planning your new sexual rendezvous. Even if you didn't follow through right now.

[Fish1470]

Personally I don't think it would help, I can obviously only speak for me, but I would say its risking transference, just putting your focus on somebody else would certainly stop me from being able to concentrate on myself.

As I say that's just me and I suppose everyone has different journeys and ways of walking them.

[SweetSensations]

I hope he gets into the planning phase. He needs something to look forward to. Something that gives his mind a little peace. He may be going in that direction sooner or later. If not in real life maybe in his mind. Visualization helped me bring my goal to life. What is going to move him toward empowerment? Give him something that can move him to empowered.

Pain-------->>---------->>-------------to ------>>>---------->>---------Empowered

[dust]

Originally Posted by SweetSensations

I hope he gets into the planning phase. He needs something to look forward to.

I actually did ask someone out last week, and that felt good - though she wasn't interested in a married man. It was good for me to DO something instead of just worrying about what M does.

It's not hard for me to envision a long term relation with someone new. I care very deeply for people, but up till now I just have emotional intimacy with people other than M. It's exciting to think of the physical side of things as well, but it's not easy to put myself out there.

[Aquarius]

Hi Dust,
I'm having all your feelings too Dust. My husband told me he is poly and it's hard some days and easier others. I too mourn the fact I was special to him and his 'great" love. Not sure where I am right now but I'm trying. So I feel you. We r just a bit far( I'm in Australia) or we could have gone for a drink! Chin up. What I try remember is that I am special to me and To a hell of other people too. I think we have to believe in ourselves! One day at a time
Good luck and here to talk when you want

[dust]

Thanks Aquarius,
I wish we could grab a drink as well - that would be nice. I'd love to visit Australia!

I'm realizing that M and I still have a very special relationship - and I feel special and proud that I'm open to this. But it's delicate and I spiral down at times, though less each day.

If we didn't have strong feelings, then it wouldn't hurt.

[Aquarius]

Yep. Just breathe... That's my motto!
How long has this been for you? My hubby told me March last year. We are taking it slow and we are going to a poly meeting together end of this month to speak to people and maybe make new friends.
I try not to dwell on negatives. Sometimes I feel like just running and never stopping. Then I shake it off and remember that I'm in a loving relationship and I need to keep an open mind. I'm trying! Glad to have met you Dust. Off to bed good night!

[dust]

It's complicated, but it became clear she needed something outside of our marriage about 6 months ago. For a long time I thought (hoped) it was something she could 'get out of her system' with a tryst.

I think the hardest thing for me has been to get to what is real instead of looking at what I want to be real. It's easy to get stuck on what 'should be', but I think that just makes the pain last longer.