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Old 01-04-2013, 08:02 AM
FunkylilMama FunkylilMama is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 6
Default Such a mess in my head

Hey there~
I'm a 24 yr. old female in a monogamous marriage with DH. We've been married for about 3.5 years and together for almost 5.
I was raised in a very conservative household and was required to go to church for 18 years and it was hell. I was taught many things that didn't seem right or good to me and I am still dealing with some issues therein. I grew up being taught that being anything but straight and monogamous was a sin.
When I met DH, he opened my eyes and my heart to a completely different take on life. He showed me mind opening things and helped me to eliminate and deal with some of the programming that I had experienced most of my life. I truly opened up and flourished, he helped me to let go of some* of my issues. I love him and absolutely cannot imagine life without him. As I continue to let go of the stigmas of my religious upbringing I find out more and more about who I am.
For a little while now, I'm not sure how long, I've been having some bisexual feelings. As my thoughts progressed and my curiosities grew, I started reading about bisexuality, pansexuality, and various types of non-monogamy. I feel like I have finally gotten over my programming and am comfortable enough now to say (here) that I'm bisexual. I have kept all this from my husband because I am truly nervous about how he is going to respond. He always (and in a joking manner ((I think))) says that people who are bisexual are "just being greedy" but I don't know that he really believes that...he is a very loving and open minded person usually and would not treat anyone badly because of their sexual orientation. I just don't know how he'd take it if a coming out was coming from his wife.
As far as polyamory goes, I feel like this may apply to me as well. I love DH and cannot imagine a life where he and I were not romantically involved, my heart aches at the thought. But I feel as though I have more love to give and that I could touch others with that and learn and grow with them. I also think that DH is such a wonderful person that he too has others to help and love. He helped me to realize, grow, and open my mind and heart to a life changing extent, I don't want to keep that magic just to myself. He is straight and I'm almost positive that if I mentioned polyamory he would flip his lid. He is a jealous person and is possessive (but not to an unhealthy degree I don't think). I really just have no idea how to bring this up with him. I think he might come unhinged if I even suggested some play with us and another girl.
So I've had all of this rolling around in my brain for what feels like forever now. I haven't talked to any of my friends about this, not even by bestie. I've been reading the Ethical Slut and will soon be into Opening Up, but I really need to talk about this. My brain is absoluely reeling with all that's going on in there.

Last edited by FunkylilMama; 01-04-2013 at 06:59 PM.
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