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Old 01-02-2013, 05:30 PM
Danielo Danielo is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
Default Feeling guilty

Hello from Mexico. I'm a 46 year old male and have been in an on a off relationship with my gf for the longest time. During this time we have both stepped out of the relationship, and in several occasions that stepping out has led to a separation. At some point we decided that we wouldn't let those indiscretions separate us anymore and everything worked great for a while. About a year and a half ago I got involved in a very intense relationship that escalated very fast and that put the whole idea of our open relationship to the test. That's when I stumbled upon the concept of polyamory and this forum and I laid it out to both of my gfs and the idea was appealing to them (specially to the second one, cause she had always had trouble settling for just one guy).
Shortly after that the second relationship ended, I was heartbroken but my gf guided me through the process of getting over it. During that period my gf had a friendship with a guy from work and several months later it became a relationship.
Now it was my turn to be on the other side of that situation and I decided to step up to the challenge. My gf speaks very little english and there aren't many sources of information on polyamory in spanish, so I tried to explain the basics of the poly "principles" to her, but that always made her uncomfortable.
This past month she finally opened up to me and it turns out she was withholding a lot of information from me and her other bf. I started insisting that she had to come clean. Last week she did and she explained him our situation and asked him if he would like to be a part of that. Here in Mexico you can't just go to a random guy and expect him to be ok with something like this and, surely enough, he was disgusted and offended by the whole idea.
All this happened four days ago and they didn't even break up, but they haven't spoken since. Now she's a mess. She feels guilty towards him and towards me and has become obsessed with him. As for me, I know that it had to be done, but I still feel guilty for the part I played in ending something that was hers.

Last edited by Danielo; 01-02-2013 at 05:58 PM. Reason: forgot to mention something relevant
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