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  #1  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:19 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Default Help me Poly-fi relationship!

I have already mad the point clear that I am not ealving the relationship I am in. But I will give you background information for you to understand what position I am in. Well, I am in a polyfidelitous relationship with a married couple. There is a trail of infidelity in their past and share a child and one on the way. In the beginning, my boyfriend cheated on her with his ex wife. He cheated on her 2x early on in the relationship and my girlfriend fired back with sleeping with a guy she barely knew. And he again cheated about 6-8 weeks after their daughter was born But she didn't find out until 3 months later then proceeded to marry him 4 months after finding out. (She neaively expected the situation to change) Well, my girlfriend has cheated frequently as well. Glenn since his mistake, been has been faithful and remorseful. Sam was very angry after finding out But nothing happened within that time, it wasnt up until early on within this eyar, before I was involved, that she cheated. She slept with her co-worker and her ex boyfriend 4 months later. While they were married. She proceeded to have a relationship with her ex while being married without her husband knowing. Glenn had only found out about her ex at the time, she admitted reluctantly to one time and he found it equal and dealt but when he found out she cheated with her ex another time, she tried to hide it and only admitted to it after being frced. Anyways,He asked to know everything and she hid 1 time with her coworker because she was "protecting" him. he just found out on Christmas about the co-worker thing (a day before our 4 month anniversary). He's distancing himself and isn't sure if he can trust or stay anymore. She and i both had his heart and she just dropped it and it shatteered. despite my faithfulness and honesty. There is no garauntee that he can stay with us. and if he leaves, he leaves me. I am willing to fight for him but he has to give me the chance. I am just not sure how to approach this situation. The idea of leaving is far from my mind, but how should I do this? How should I approach him?
I love him with all i have and made it clear that if i lose glenn because of sam i will never forgive her, how do i deal, what do i do? i know its between the 3 of them, but what do i do because i am affected by this relationship.
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  #2  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:31 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Rather than posting more-or-less the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up half-way through.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:45 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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^This.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #4  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:48 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I don't get why he leaving her means leaving you too.

Can your partners get counseling? They desperately need all kinds of relationship skill development. It is also something they and you could work on without a counselor.

I also get you love these people. And you won't leave them. I suppose this could be where you learn what *not* to do in a relationship. It could also be where you learn that love is not enough to make a relationship healthy, safe, and joyful.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:54 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Rather than posting more-or-less the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up half-way through.
- If you're not going to make a comment that involves helping me don't comment at all. It's fairly rude. I just am look for help. Not everyone is as good at grammar as you are. Again, excuse me for not being perfect, like you.
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  #6  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:55 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I don't get why he leaving her means leaving you too.

Can your partners get counseling? They desperately need all kinds of relationship skill development. It is also something they and you could work on without a counselor.

I also get you love these people. And you won't leave them. I suppose this could be where you learn what *not* to do in a relationship. It could also be where you learn that love is not enough to make a relationship healthy, safe, and joyful.
Your help means a lot to me, it is greatly appreciated, I never considered a counselor. This could work, I hope it does, thank you for all your help.
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  #7  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:58 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Rather than posting more-or-less the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up half-way through.
and it is *capitalization
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  #8  
Old 12-31-2012, 05:08 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSAS082612 View Post
- If you're not going to make a comment that involves helping me don't comment at all. It's fairly rude. I just am look for help. Not everyone is as good at grammar as you are. Again, excuse me for not being perfect, like you.
I think suggesting that you actually explain what you're after in understandable language so that people are able to offer you the advice you seek is helpful. As it is most people are not going to bother reading what you can't be bothered to write properly and you won't end up with any useful input. The fact that it would also prevent you spamming the forum is just a happy side effect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GSAS082612 View Post
and it is *capitalization
Not if the person typing it lives outside of North America.
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  #9  
Old 12-31-2012, 05:09 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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So there's trouble between Glenn and Sam due to past cheating?

You could ask him how this affects his feelings for you.

Is he willing to continue to be in polyship with you as a "V" configuration? Where you are the shared sweetie and you keep your relationships with Glenn and then the one with Sam?

Or is he willing to keep in relationship with you, but NOT willing to be in relationship with you if you are also in relationship with Sam?
Quote:
I love him with all i have and made it clear that if i lose glenn because of sam i will never forgive her, how do i deal, what do i do?
You are not going to lose him because of her. She does not control HIS behavior.

For YOU? You cannot be a mind reader so just ask him where he stands with you. Straight up and from the heart.

He controls his own behavior and it will likely play out along these lines with what he is willing to do or not:
  • not willing to be with either of you.
  • willing to be with you while you are still with her
  • willing to be with you only if you are not with her.
  • some other thing I can't think of right now. So best he say where he is at.

Basically the only thing you could do at this point is ask him where he stands with YOU if you want to know.

So ask. Then you have clear information and can choose YOUR next behavior.

Let them know you are sorry this is happening, and then let them sort themselves out on their end of things. But this couple keeps having issues -- it makes a lot of drama in your life. If this is CHRONIC and costing you your own well being, you might consider walking away. I know you are not willing to do that and struggle with the right thing to do. But when you don't know what to pick -- pick YOU. Gotta put your own oxygen mask on first.

Breaking up is rough, but it's not like you can't get back together later down the road either. There's lots of stories of people who break up and come back in the fullness of time.

Remember to breathe as you try to decide what is best for your health right now.

It will all come out in the wash one way or another. Even if it hurts right now, even if it stinks... take care of YOU. Get some sleep, some eats, go to work, step away from drama/stress things. One baby step at a time. BREATHE.

GL!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-31-2012 at 08:02 AM.
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  #10  
Old 12-31-2012, 07:16 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
I think suggesting that you actually explain what you're after in understandable language so that people are able to offer you the advice you seek is helpful. As it is most people are not going to bother reading what you can't be bothered to write properly and you won't end up with any useful input. The fact that it would also prevent you spamming the forum is just a happy side effect.

Not if the person typing it lives outside of North America.

Excuse me, I am just trying to get help, I am not used to this sort of thing. And again, almost everyone has a problem or two with bad grammar. I am sorry you don't like it and still it's rude to bash someone who is using this site for helpful uses and advice purposes. If you have a problem, don't comment. I didn't do anything to you and I am already feeling like shit as it is, you don't have to be so vindictive and cruel.
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