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  #11  
Old 12-29-2009, 03:03 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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She emailed me today so I forwarded the messages to him and then discussed them with him,she was 'fishing' for information so I gave her very little and he advised me to cut contact with her altogether,so I have done that. Like as been said before it serves no purpose and it is between him and her to sort out..there are clearly unresolved feelings so I need to let him work through those.
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  #12  
Old 12-30-2009, 03:15 PM
quituxat quituxat is offline
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For the first time I had sex with someone who I am not dating. I told him before we did anything that I would have to tell P about this and he said okay. I told P and while i was a little nervous P said "congrats hunny! isnt it nice being poly?" and the whole time im thinking...what I just did wasnt poly,
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  #13  
Old 12-30-2009, 06:04 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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The core issue here remains unchanged. If he is committed to polyamory and she is committed to monogamy, they are incompatible at that basic level and should have ended things at that point.

The fact that they remain emotionally entangled with each other is a clear indication that they are each getting something out of continuing the relationship. If they were not, they would have moved on already.

The question you may wish to ask yourself is: What are you getting out of this situation? If the answer is nothing or not much, consider withdrawing until it is resolved.
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  #14  
Old 12-30-2009, 07:49 PM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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Thanks Fidelia,I appreciate your input. I discussed it at length with him last night and he is adamant that he is not going to give into her demands for monogamy when he knows he can't do it. He also admitted their dependence is what I described as 'toxic' and he is finding it very hard to withdraw on an emotional level but not physical.
For this reason I suggested he take time out for himself,give himself time to heal and let me just be his friend. Although I have feelings for him I would much rather he is healed for the sake of ANY future relationship. So I have organised(along with another one of his female friends) something for him for his birthday to let him know he has our unconditional support,because we all were friends before this happened.
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  #15  
Old 12-30-2009, 08:24 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FitChick View Post
For this reason I suggested he take time out for himself,give himself time to heal and let me just be his friend. Although I have feelings for him I would much rather he is healed for the sake of ANY future relationship.
Forgive me for saying so, but this seems like a very mature, compassionate and caring way of approaching this. He is very lucky to have you as a friend.
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