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Old 12-29-2012, 06:43 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
That was kind of snotty. You asked for a bit of feedback. I didn't see that river said any such thing, you are quite imagining that.
Mmm, I'm going to disagree with your view. I get why UpsideDown did not see River's second post as particularly helpful. It may not have meant to be condescending, but it certainly wasn't practical advice either.

Now this:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
If you actully insisted that he have less outside contact than you're allowed to have, then that would be an inequity.
is a HUGE "If" and really the crux of the problem. And I think this bit is very significant to speaking to that problem:

Originally Posted by UpsideDown View Post
He, likewise, doesn't feel like he'd be comfortable with me falling in love with CG, nor with me becoming overtly and thoroughly her "lover" in a sexual sense. He's alright with my romantic feelings, our sporadic snuggling and three kisses, and has said that he's be supportive of it going somewhat farther than that physically, although he's got a pretty PG/PG13 line drawn there. Given that is way ahead of what I've thought of, and how hard I work to avoid seeing the woman naked, that suits me fine. That also, may or may not change.
I'm just not sure what happens if I absolutely cannot, in good faith, be alright with him sleeping with someone else. Do the above concessions make it a compromise, or am I still being selfish and unfair.
No, you're not being selfish and unfair. If you're asking for the same boundaries and limits to apply to both of you, that is fair. There's no "poly law" that says the ultimate goal is to have everyone be okay with multiple sexual partners. Now, as lots of people including you have said, your desires may change. His desires may change. So yes, it makes sense to think about the possibilities. But if you never want to have a fully sexual relationship with another person, there's NOTHING unfair about asking him to abide by the same limits. He may not agree to your limits, or your desires. That's always possible. There may come a time where you can't agree on how you want to conduct your relationships and need to part ways. But that's a possibility in any relationship and does NOT make you selfish or unfair.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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