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Old 12-27-2012, 12:10 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915
Default Not Really OK with DH/Girlfriend Having A Child

A little backstory. My DH and I have been together for over 12 years and married for almost 11 of those. Our now shared girlfriend was solely with me up until recently, as I was the hinge/shared love of the two. She and I have been together for 12.5 years. My DH was mono, and she was the only add'l person in my life.

I have always encouraged a relationship to form, so when it finally happened, I was overjoyed. Compersion is at a fever pitch. Now, we are establishing limits and boundaries. One that I have discovered is children outside of our marriage. DH and I have two children together, but I am honestly not alright with them having children. I know it is the beginning stages of their relationship, and I don't micromanage. The talks of children are early, and they haven't said anything, yet. He wants to go on dates with her? Fine. He wants to make love to her? Fine. He wants to introduce her to his colleagues and family as his girlfriend? Fine. Having a child or children together? Pump the brakes.

I plan on having a conversation with them both to gauge their feelings as far as children and to voice my concerns. For us, talking individually and jointly works for the best. Prior to them being intimate, she had started birth control well in advance, but I still insisted on them using condoms. Now, that it is more than a sexual relationship, it is possible that she/he or they will want to fluid bond, which could lead to an unplanned pregnancy. No BC is 100% safe. Before that happens, several talks need to occur.

I want to know if anyone here has encountered this, and if so, what worked for you? I'm all for compromise and balance, but this is one thing I can honestly say I'm probably not going to be OK with. I'm all for my spouses being happy and experiencing love, but this is where I draw the line. I can't even explain why I feel the way I do. Am I wrong for trying to limit them in that aspect? Thank you all in advance.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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babies, boundaries, children, ill feelings, limits, pregnancies

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