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  #11  
Old 12-27-2012, 01:41 AM
mrcalzon02 mrcalzon02 is offline
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Default Brass tacks

We are talking about going out, having fun around town dinner,movies,bars, restaurants, and having a healthy sex drive. about having close friends who are also family.being able to work,play and share life. Failing to see the down sides to any of this. we are stable sane happy people looking for a drug free female partner to add to our fun.with the choice of becoming something more.
<Venting on a public forum is bad news and i should really keep that kind of thing to myself.> please forgive the outburst.

Last edited by mrcalzon02; 12-27-2012 at 05:16 AM. Reason: Flame removed.
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  #12  
Old 12-27-2012, 02:04 AM
mrcalzon02 mrcalzon02 is offline
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back on topic.The core question here was has anyone else had problems with people they have expressed and interest in having a poly-relationship with them?
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  #13  
Old 12-27-2012, 02:08 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Perhaps it's the initial presentation of what you seek?

So far I gather that you and wife are considering Opening your marriage.

You would like to be the "hinge" or "shared sweetie." And in dating this new woman, you hope to find someone for a long term partnership. Up to and including having children with her. Should that relationship progress to that place, the hope is that she would would be willing to cohabitate with you and wife and everyone co-parents the children.

What would wife like in the open marriage? Is she going to be dating too? Has she decided what her wants, needs, and limits are?

Quote:
back on topic.The core question here was has anyone else had problems with people they have expressed and interest in having a poly-relationship with them?
Yes. Because not everyone is seeking a polyship. Some want a monoship.

By the same token, even if they ARE poly wired? Just because you would like to date them doesn't mean they would want to date you. Everyone's attracted to different types of people. They may also be full up on their polysaturation point and just not seeking more partners right now.

That's why it is called dating -- the search to find the compatible one(s) to you.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-27-2012 at 02:30 AM.
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  #14  
Old 12-27-2012, 02:21 AM
mrcalzon02 mrcalzon02 is offline
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have to respond later got a event to go to. food for thought though.
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  #15  
Old 12-27-2012, 05:07 AM
mrcalzon02 mrcalzon02 is offline
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Someone who has kids already? Have not put much thought there yet. Don't know how that would work out.Might make things harder, might make them easier. would be willing to talk and consider that choice.

Last edited by mrcalzon02; 12-27-2012 at 05:13 AM. Reason: spelling and grammer.
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  #16  
Old 12-27-2012, 05:15 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrcalzon02 View Post
Flame from here on out.Read at own risk.
so when it comes down to it what is this? okay.
what this ends up being is
1.dating again.
2.looking for someone who wants to go out with male half.
3.Willing to date a married person.
4.And who is willing to do so with the knowledge that we are looking for something Long term.
5.And that they must be child friendly.(I,e NO drugs, no insanity's)
6.And they will always have the choice to leave.

how hard is it to find someone who is drug free? who isn't insane? is not being involved in crime that hard to come by? is that really that rare?

And.. when did people stop wanting to have sex? is it bad to want it? to want to explore sexually? why is that a bad thing?

I'm failing to see why people seam to be freaking out about what we want. are people getting angry because we are basically looking for a wife/sister third? are they jealous? angry that we dare disturb there little world? or that we might attain what they dare-not-admit/are-unable ?
Your failure to hear us is why people are pointing it out. No one here is freaking out. The people here see your question more than once a week. Many of them have been here for years, seeing this question once a week. Many of the folks who have provided you answers have been approached by couples much like yourselves. They ARE the women you are looking for. They are trying to explain to you why this is difficult. If you wanted someone to encourage you, you should have asked for encouragement.

I don't quite understand how that's a 'flame' but you might want to consider that presenting a flame in a place you are asking for help and advice might not be the way to get help and advice.

Also the people giving the advice have been the seekers. They know your struggles.

I recommend you read up the volumes of things already written on these forums. You might find the encouragement you seek. There is a thread on success stories. Although, I think you will find much more useful advice if you do a tag search for 'unicorn.'
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Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #17  
Old 12-27-2012, 05:21 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I think the point that people are trying to make is that you have a very clear role in mind,and you are hoping to meet someone whom you can fit into it, into the sort of situation you want for yourselves -- rather than simply being open to meeting people and letting the relationships develop according to the dynamics, wants, and needs of all three of you.

For example, what if you meet a woman with whom you really hit it off, have a great rapport and attraction in all ways - physical, intellectual, emotional - and she gets along with your wife and is totally into having a relationship with a married poly man, but she has no desire to have children? Would you say, "Thanks but no thanks" to someone who could really be a wonderful partner in all ways but that, just because she doesn't want to give birth? When adoption is a possibility (and one of the noblest, loving things anyone can do), why have her womb be part of the deal? Your possibilities will be very limited with such a narrow focus.

See, it's always better to look for the person who is right for you, not the role or configuration for someone to be inserted into.
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Last edited by nycindie; 12-27-2012 at 05:25 AM.
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  #18  
Old 12-27-2012, 05:30 AM
mrcalzon02 mrcalzon02 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think the point that people are trying to make is that you have a very clear role in mind,and you are hoping to meet someone whom you can fit into it, into the sort of situation you want for yourselves -- rather than simply being open to meeting people and letting the relationships develop according to the dynamics, wants, and needs of all three of you.

For example, what if you meet a woman with whom you really hit it off, have a great rapport and attraction in all ways - physical, intellectual, emotional - and she gets along with your wife and is totally into having a relationship with a married poly man, but she has no desire to have children? Would you say, "Thanks but no thanks" to someone who could really be a wonderful partner in all ways but that, just because she doesn't want to give birth? When adoption is a possibility (and one of the noblest, loving things anyone can do), why have her womb be part of the deal? Your possibilities will be very limited with such a narrow focus.

See, it's always better to look for the person who is right for you, not the role or configuration for someone to be inserted into.

Thank you, hadn't thought about things like that. now that's really food for thought. that gives us a lot to consider. we are going to have a lot of soul search over the next month or so and see what we decide to do.
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  #19  
Old 12-27-2012, 06:38 AM
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Glad to help.
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