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Old 12-27-2012, 04:28 AM
Kaiticorn Kaiticorn is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Question Learning to Juggle

Hi, I'm relatively new to polyamory.

I have 2 men who have been strongly in my life for the last 2 years and was going back and forth between them.

Now I have decided to be honest with myself and try to be with both.

1 is totally super cool with it. 1 is intensely jealous and hurt.
I love both, and feel more fulfilled with both in my life, but am constantly torn between the two.

Hoping this forum will provide some advice to help me achieve harmony.
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:55 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868

Originally Posted by Kaiticorn View Post

Hoping this forum will provide some advice to help me achieve harmony.
I hope we can provide this as well. Sounds like you love two (I do, as well). One is okay with this, the other is not. From reading here (on this forum)- the one that is NOT okay will end up occupying a lot more of your attention on the subject...is he worth it? I don't mean "as a person" - obviously you wouldn't be with him at all if he he wasn't a worthwhile person - I mean, as a "partner" - someone who supports you in your decisions and has the same long-term goals as you do. Could you imagine yourself in a monogamous relationship with this one and happy for the rest of your days? The reason that I ask is NOT that the most (or least) demanding one deserves your attention...this is YOUR life. What sort of person do you want to be with?

Just asking.

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 12-27-2012, 03:24 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In a flat place in the middle of the US.
Posts: 95

I agree with JaneQ. You're not going to change, you know that. #2 isn't going to be happy with the person you are so I don't see a lot of future with him unless he can accept you as you are.

I was one of the guys is a situation like yours, and I was the guy who was okay with it. She ended up marrying the other guy and getting divorced a year later.
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:31 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,566

Hello Kaiti,
Welcome to our forum.

Any chance Guy #2 will come around eventually and be okay with it? Do you have a stable dynamic set up between the two, or does Guy #2 often disrupt that dynamic? As the others have said, is this (or can it be) compatible with what you want, long-term?

I wish you the best, and hope you find Polyamory.com to be helpful.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:43 PM
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Fish1470 Fish1470 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 14

Hi Kaiti,

With very limited experience my only advice can be you need to focus on you. In your post you mentioned it was time to be honest with yourself and embrace your needs and wants, with that in mind you have to question if #2 is going to help or hinder your growth. When your trying to embrace a new you do you really need people around you who are constantly trying to make you the previous version.

For me, and it's only a humble opinion, if the people around you can't accept the person you want to be, then you will only end up being either someone they don't want you to be or someone you don't want to be in an attempt to make them happy.

Wise man once say... Love yourself, you're the only person you absolutely have to spend your whole life with.
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