Looking for knowledgable advice

[GalaGirl]

While it is true that some of children's stuff will sort itself out as they age, some will not. You only get chronological and physical maturity "for free" as they age with each birthday. Intellectual maturity, emotional maturity, social maturity, and philosophical maturity you have to work at. An Asperger patient child could have extra challenges there.

And teaching them those things and their willingness to learn and defer to your household rules gets harder as they get bigger/stronger. Dealing with a baby size person's tantrum is one thing. Dealing with an elementary school, middle school, or high school size person is another!

My dad is impaired with Alzheimer and he's a big guy at over 6 ft tall. When he was pitching a fit and throwing things about -- it was not pretty!

Your husband is willing to risk that kind of thing? The child growing to a physical size where it gets really dangerous? It's one thing not to like the current therapist. It's another to not give the child every chance possible.

I am so sorry you both cannot come to terms on his caregiving needs. But I really think this is the area you guys could spend more focus on right now than the threesome thing.

Galagirl

[kdt26417]

Hello Mathulu,
Welcome to our forum.

I don't have much to add to the advice already given. Obviously you have a lot on your plate right now. You'll have to decide whether the added complication of polyamory is something you can deal with right now.

Can I ask, how old is your son? Is there another therapist he can see? What would your husband like to see in a therapist?

My sympathies go out to you, you have a hard situation to deal with. Hope we can help somehow.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

[Mathulu]

Just finished a rather long and productive conversation with my husband about us and our son. Also since someone asked, the oldest is eight and we have an eighteen month old as well.

I found out a major part of his problem with therapy for our son is that he has been diagnosed with several different disorders since kindergarten and invariably the next professional the school demands we see or his pediatrician recommends will declare the last diagnosis was clearly wrong because he is really this other thing. Sorry about that run- on sentence. He doesn't have anything against this particular therapist. She is focusing on the behavior issues, and emotional and social skills and not worrying about the underlying cause until our son can see some successes first.

I have done a lot of thinking about what I want from myself, my husband and life in general. I explained to the husband everything I have been thinking about and concerns I have. He was willing to listen and was rather emphatic that he does not want to lose me. One of my concerns was that he was looking for a way out. We have talked about separating but neither of us want to do that. He finally agreed to work with a counselor about how to deal with our son and the strain our marriage has been under because of those problems.

As far as our friend is concerned, we have not had a chance to talk with her yet. But I asked my husband if he had ever heard the term polyamory and explained that it is a blanket term for several relationship dynamics that involve more than two partners. I told him I would be willing to consider the idea but only after we get our shit together with our family first. The particular friend that he is interested in is one of the few females I could have a more involved relationship with so depending on how conversation with her goes, something may develop eventually, just probably not yet.

After that talk, we may not be on the same page for everything yet, but at least it feels like we are in the same book. That sounds very final, but I don't plan on just disappearing. I do think that we will eventually try having a relationship with the friend. We've been together almost 14 years and he misses the intensity that a passion based relationship can offer.