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Old 12-26-2012, 06:20 PM
Moose17 Moose17 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Question Types of Poly's staying power?

Ok, so how many kinds of Poly are there? What are they, and how do they work? I'm aware that some people have just completely open relationships and don't discuss other partners with each other, and that some give each other veto power, and that some call themselves poly when what they're really after is a swinger relationship, and that some have stable closed triads, and that there's really an endless variety that changes with every individual and all that.

But how long do these relationships tend to last? I know monogamous marriages don't have an incredible track record, but is serial polyamory any better than serial monogamy?

I ask because my situation feels somewhat unusual in these circles. My wife and I started this discussion very recently, when she developed romantic feelings for someone who was already a close friend and happened to be openly poly.

As I said elsewhere: My spouse and I put each other first. When we started this discussion, my wife explicitly gave me veto power not just regarding the person she's interested in, but over the concept of having external relationships. She offered to return to our strict monogamy if I wanted, at any time, if I need that, and has repeated the offer during scary or insecure moments. We have kids, we built a life together for the last decade-plus, and it can grow and change, but nothing can be allowed to damage it or substantively detract from it. I'm not sure how common that dynamic is, how long external relationships can last for people in situations like ours, or even how monos going poly tend to do a few years down the line.

But it goes back to the question of "how long does any poly relationship last?". So, I'm asking. Gimme stories of endurance. I want to hear particularly from people whose situations started out like mine, but also from anyone who wants to chime in. I freely admit that I don't know enough about any of this. Fill me in.
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