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Old 12-25-2012, 07:32 PM
AggieSez AggieSez is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Default The gift of owning up after breaking up

One of the best aspects of polyamory is that just because an intimate relationship ends or changes doesn't mean you need to eliminate that former partner from your life -- something that's sadly the social default setting in mono-land.

Setting up a positive "aftership" often requires some reconciliation and healing. But we don't have a lot of good examples of that for any kind of relationship. One such example crossed my inbox, so I've decided to share it.

Recently, a SoloPoly.net reader contacted me to share how my recent post on how to treat non-primary partners well (and my related Polyamory Weekly interview) helped him understand how his unacknowledged, unexamined couple privilege played a key role in the demise of his treasured triad relationship, causing much heartache for him, his wife, and their former girlfriend.

He also decided to contact their former partner to own up to this. He'd like a positive post-breakup connection with her, and hopefully this step will help the healing process -- but at least, owning up to your behavior can aid your own process of moving on and ease your conscience. IMHO, that's Adult Relationships 101.

So, in the holiday spirit, I just posted to SoloPoly.net a guest post with this reader's letter, plus some context and commentary. Because owning up to your behavior in a relationship can offer the gift of healing and understanding for everyone.

http://solopoly.net/2012/12/24/the-g...up-guest-post/

Hope everyone's enjoying the holidays!

- Aggie

Last edited by AggieSez; 12-26-2012 at 02:11 AM.
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