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  #11  
Old 12-08-2012, 04:37 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Yup, and then you have cases where someone is bi or pan and poly, but at the moment their partners are only one gender. I've seen people accept me being pan, accept me being poly, but then get confused that both my partners are male.
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  #12  
Old 12-09-2012, 09:11 AM
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Yup, and then you have cases where someone is bi or pan and poly, but at the moment their partners are only one gender. I've seen people accept me being pan, accept me being poly, but then get confused that both my partners are male.
The same for me But I myself sometimes ponder about this coincidence
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  #13  
Old 12-18-2012, 01:15 AM
leslie leslie is offline
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Question New to poly and Bi-sexuality

I married a non-monogamous man who has lovingly encouraged me to explore my sexuality as we take on the adventure of polyamory. I have known, since I was young that I was attracted to both men and women, but never talked about it or really explored it, other than having a lot of friends who were lesbians that I had secret crushes on.
Now, as a much older person, I feel that I want to meet other women who would be open to a sexual relationship if it felt right, and I am finding it difficult to meet people. I still am attracted to women, some close friends, but they get the "ick" factor going if I mention any of this, and some have decided not to be friends with me, which is so sad to me.
Anyway, someone told me to "stick to my species", which now makes me wonder how to do that.
Any ideas? Anyone have experiences with this?
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  #14  
Old 12-18-2012, 01:31 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by leslie View Post
Anyway, someone told me to "stick to my species", which now makes me wonder how to do that.
Any ideas? Anyone have experiences with this?

I tend to have sex with only members of my species. I have yet to meet a member of any other species who makes me consider otherwise.

If you are human, simply stick to other humans. They usually have two arms and two legs and walk upright, among other things, although I realize that some of them may have only one arm or leg, or two heads. Unfortunately, I do not have any personal experiences with extra-terrestrials, although I have had a few vivid fantasies about them - all involving anal probes. Does that count? Or am I being terrestrial-ist?

Anyway, what species are you? I don't want to make any assumptions because that would make an ass-out-of-u-and-whoever-else-is-involved.
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  #15  
Old 12-18-2012, 01:34 AM
leslie leslie is offline
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I think the advice about species, was to stick to poly people, asking mono or straight folks out led to disappointment. I am definitely human.
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  #16  
Old 12-19-2012, 05:06 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by leslie View Post
I think the advice about species, was to stick to poly people, asking mono or straight folks out led to disappointment.
Well, I don't agree that all non-poly people are necessarily a bad choice. Many people previously monogamous are open to non-exclusivity.

But... of course asking straight women out would lead to disappointment because... um, well, they're straight! Was there a reason why you thought that wouldn't matter?
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  #17  
Old 12-19-2012, 09:28 PM
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River River is offline
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Originally Posted by aLABiMCpl View Post
`

Being Bi certainly helps, but it does not make one Poly.
Plenty of Bi men & women still choose to cheat on their spouse and have no desire for the 2 worlds to meet.


`
It seems to me that a lot of people cheat because they don't get it that poly is an option. And most of the time these same people probably buy into the nearly ubiquitous monogamistic social programming which says ...

a. commitment = monogamy

b. true love = monogamy

c. security = monogamy

d. morality = monogamy

e. comfort ...

f. human nature ...

g. social acceptance ...

h. "normal" ...

i. healthy ...

j. safe ...

h. Etc.
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  #18  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:20 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Originally Posted by RfromRMC View Post
I've often said, instead, that when bisexuals learn what polyamory is and that it's an option, they're more likely to understand the advantages of it and how it can be logically a good thing. I think they tend to have a more open mind, possibly as a result of "bucking" the establishment that says you have to pick side of gay vs straight.
It's that unique life experience of bisexuality (or pansexuality) that makes Polyamory "no big deal" for them to accept.
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Originally Posted by Helo View Post
From my own experience, people who are bisexual tend to have gone through a period of introspection and self-examination to arrive at the conclusion that they are bisexual. Along the way, they find things like polyamory. Additionally, being bisexual also means you are more likely to come into contact with the idea of polyamory.
I agree with these explanations. For bi/pansexuals, there's usually more self-examination and self-discovery taking place, which opens up their mind, leads them to question the norm, and gives them more opportunities to get to know new ideas like polyamory. I think it probably works the same way for asexuals, another sexual minority. While for heterosexuals, it's easy to follow the default route of one man + one woman without second thoughts.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Being a woman who practices poly, most guys who have that fetish about getting off with two women think it would be perfectly fine and reasonable for me to be bi, yet they think I'm just a dirty slut because I want more than one penis in my life. Because, you know, one dick should be enough and poly is all about the sex.
Yeah, the "poly is all about the sex" assumption is so annoying. I'm heteroromantic, asexual and poly, which means I can have multiple male partners without having sex with any of them (if they're okay with a non-sexual relationship). Must be extremely hard to process for those who believe poly is all about sex.

Last edited by Eponine; 12-21-2012 at 11:23 AM.
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  #19  
Old 12-22-2012, 09:00 PM
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River River is offline
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Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
Yeah, the "poly is all about the sex" assumption is so annoying. I'm heteroromantic, asexual and poly, which means I can have multiple male partners without having sex with any of them (if they're okay with a non-sexual relationship). Must be extremely hard to process for those who believe poly is all about sex.
Poly is definitely not "all about the sex". Still, the overwhelming majority of us are not asexual and our "romantic" (so-called) relationships generally do include sex. That said, I can totally relate to a "romantic" relationship which isn't also a sexual one. I've done this ... at least in some respects. I think. Depends on what counts for making a relationship "romantic".

How important is touch in "romantic" relationships? Just what is it that makes a relationship "romantic"?
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  #20  
Old 12-22-2012, 09:24 PM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Poly is definitely not "all about the sex". Still, the overwhelming majority of us are not asexual and our "romantic" (so-called) relationships generally do include sex.
Yeah, I definitely understand that. My point is poly is about love first and foremost; then, of course, for the vast majority who are sexual, sex is a natural thing coming with love. But the assumption that poly = lots of sex/promiscuity seems very common (even some people in the asexual community think so), which is annoying to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
How important is touch in "romantic" relationships? Just what is it that makes a relationship "romantic"?
For me it's non-sexual physical intimacy that makes a relationship "romantic". Or to put it this way: romantic and platonic feelings are different in themselves, and physical intimacy is how I express my romantic feelings and differentiate "romantic" from "platonic". But there are also asexuals who don't feel this way.
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Last edited by Eponine; 12-22-2012 at 09:31 PM.
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