Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #25  
Old 12-20-2012, 07:24 PM
AJ1 AJ1 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 27
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
That's why I don't get involved with people like that. The people I choose to spend my life with accept that I'm selfish with my time and that I only do things on my terms. As was mentioned earlier, this means that when they do get to spend time with me, they know without a doubt that it's because I truly want to be there, and not because I feel obligated.

I think that all comes down to self-esteem. I don't worry that people will get upset if I choose me first. I'm not saying that people won't get upset if I choose me first... just that I don't worry about it
You can't choose your parents or grandparents. And even if I could, I prefer more give and take in relationships. When I love someone, I want them to be happy - and all the better if I can be the cause of that happiness. Yes, occasionally that means setting aside what I might want in this very instance. That's not the worst thing in the world. I know they would do the same for me.

And I disagree that it comes down to self-esteem. I can see where it might in some cases (someone co-dependent *needing* to be liked), but sometimes love means not being selfish every minute of the day. *Needing* to have everything on your own terms all the time can be caused by low self-esteem as well.

I'd rather put it in my own words, but Abed said it best:

"Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys. Because, when you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal."


Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
And yeah... SOMEONE is always disappointed and/or offended. Always. You can't please everyone. Ever. And if you always try to please everyone else, you guarantee exactly one thing: that you yourself won't be pleased. So why try?
Because trying gets better results than not, and at the very least expresses that you care. We'll never fully eliminate crime, does that mean there is no value in trying?

Last edited by AJ1; 12-20-2012 at 07:25 PM. Reason: fixing punctuation
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
being in the closet, being out, family, foresome, holidays, quad, time management, work

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:33 AM.