Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-18-2012, 10:18 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I haven't read most of the responses, but I'll respond to just this ,-

" But I am still very curious about proving or dispelling the myth of POLYS ARE TOOLS because they allow each other to be ignorantly used(or abused) for other's pleasure. And by ignorance, I'm talking about how even with 1000 poly beliefs someone might still be missing that aspect of themselves, that they are being taken advantage of."

If, within the boundaries of your relationship, your partner was allowed to be involved with others and you weren't? Then, yes, there'd be an argument to be made that you were being taken advantage of. But if you both have the same options on the table, then how can it be said that one person is getting taken advantage of? It seems to me that the burden of proof here is on the person claiming that somehow, in an equal situation, one person is getting the short end of the stick, since logically that just doesn't follow.

If anyone reacts as if you're a tool, then they're either confused about what's going on, or they maybe have some misogynistic idea like it's fine for a man to sleep around but somehow humiliating for him if he's with a woman who does the same. So, why would you care what someone like that thought? Maybe the real issuer here is just needing to not be so thin-skinned. On the other hand, if he's flat-out being rude or disrespectful to you (I didn't get that impression, necessarily, his response actually sounded pretty neutral, but maybe it was his tone of voice?), then I could certainly see not wanting him to be involved with my partner.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2012, 03:12 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 452

Some while back, you were distressed that your SO was going to take your baby and leave you unless you stopped pestering her to have threesomes with other girls and to let you date other girls.

Obviously I haven't been following your blog. Now she's okay with you being poly, and wants to date other men herself? She no longer considers herself "mono wired"?

And now you're worried you might look like a tool if you encourage other guys to use her for sex?
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-21-2012, 06:55 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373

For your generosity to be taken advantage of by this guy, you have to first think you are offering him something that is yours to give and wouldn't be available to him without your offer.

In other words you have to think of your GF as a belonging you possess that can be lent out or denied access to someone else by your say so.

When you mention having your GF talk to women you have interest in, you speak of it as an act she does to just let them know you're not operating with deceit. To ease their minds enough to let you have access to them without guilt. It seems as if it is not even part of the equation to you that she is giving them permission to use something that belongs to her. Neither do you seem to consider if these women see HER as a tool when you ask her to do this.

The more you talk the less it seems you think of women as people in any of this.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2012, 08:17 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,182

Poly doesn't make one a tool, but some poly people are tools.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:52 AM.