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Old 12-17-2012, 01:17 PM
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belleamore belleamore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Default Communication issues

How do you try and get someone to be completely open about their desires, aside from just telling them "Tell me what you want!" and hoping they listen?

I'm having some serious communication issues with B, my husband. When I ask B a question, especially one about seeing my boyfriend, M, B will give me three different answers. For example - M and I were having some relationship difficulties (mostly freaking out about worries about B), but things were back on the right track and I'd made plans to at least have lunch with M and a friend of mine. We'd decided to also go back to M's place for a few hours so we could spend some time together, since it'd been three weeks since we'd last spent any amount of time together. (We used to spend the entire day together on Sundays, but since the relationship explosion, we've planned on dialing back.) I ask B if he's alright with this, and he tells me, in this order, "Sure, spend as much time up there as you want!", "No, I don't want you to go", and "The decision is up to you". I decided to go up there, since it'd been a while since I'd seen M. Maybe it was selfish, I don't know.

So I get home after a couple of hours with M, spend some time with B, and he asks "Did you two do it while you were up there?" And I looked at him, and told him yes, because we did, and he says he could smell it on me and storms off. Apparently "I don't want you to go" translates to "I don't want you having sex with M." If he'd explicitly said that, I would have listened to him! How on earth do I get him to actually tell me what he wants? Does anyone have any suggestions for encouraging communication?
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Me: 31 year old pansexual female, in a relationship... zig-zag? Married to B (8/2010), dating M (5/2013) :: blog
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