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Old 12-17-2012, 05:04 AM
DistantWindows DistantWindows is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5
Default Intro and My Situation

Hello everyone - I am a guy in his early 30's... completely new to the forums and to the ins and outs of the world of polyamory. My reasons for joining the forums are two-fold - first of all, like many of you I have gone through most of my life surrounded by people and a culture that believes largely that romantic love should be shared between you and just one other person, and that if you have feelings for someone outside your relationship you are supposed to stifle this energy and beat yourself up for your transgressions.

This has never made much sense to me, and has always felt a bit unnatural. Why do so many people cheat on their significant others? Why is it possible for people to love (genuinely) more than one person at the same time? In an general sense I don't think that ignoring your feelings like this is really healthy, and I have NEVER felt that love is finite.

The second reason I joined is because I am in a loving, monogamous relationship with a girl that is pretty much perfect for me in every sense of the word. We are very happy together. We have a very non-jealous relationship and are completely open to allowing the other to go out, make connections, explore the world. We love doing these things together, but neither of us is possessive in the slightest. I don't even know what jealousy feels like, and I would HATE the thought that my lifestyle choices or desires would somehow impede on hers. I wouldn't dream of not allowing her to pursue an activity or interest even if it felt like it would somehow "threaten" our relationship because I believe that you love someone for who they are and encourage them to grow.

There is one catch to our relationship. In the last 5 or 6 months I have developed serious feelings for another girl, a good friend of ours, and I think she has at least had some feelings for me too (more in the past).

My girlfriend knows about my feelings, as I have been honest with her. On top of this, she is understanding of it and would only be "worried" if it would somehow break us up, as she is happy with our relationship. The thing is, I am also so happy in my relationship that I'd never seriously pursue something with this other girl. But I feel very strongly about her, have tried for months to get her out of my head and heart, but due to the nature of our friendship it is very difficult to disconnect from her entirely. Her life is very interwoven with mine (shared activities and responsibilities), and we have a lot of mutual friends.

Long story short, I am not exactly sure how to handle this. My girlfriend doesn't want to be in a poly relationship and this other girl would NEVER go for it. So I know there is no real way forward with her and I just need to get over her somehow, which is proving to be very difficult as I see her fairly often.

But this has made me think: could this happen again? I am a very picky person, and have only felt very strongly about perhaps 3 or 4 people in my life. How do I handle this kind of thing moving forward? How to I get over someone in this kind of situation? It is really complex - if anything I think my girlfriend might be open to helping me out! She really is amazing.

Anyway, that is my story - I'm sure I'll be posting here more often!
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