Yeah, I know how delicate a situation this is and I don't want to wreck it by taking things too quickly, or by just being a rebound for her. We've been friends for almost three years and I don't want to lose that with her and I don't want to screw up her friendship with my wife. I genuinely care about her and I want her in my life, I can't deny that. I really don't want to screw this up by being impatient.
The last couple of times we've talked she sounds more intent on leaving him and my wife and I have offered our home as a place where she can take some time to get back on her feet, and she seems more intent on coming here. She still wants to tell me about her feelings for me when we talk, and I've been trying to tell her we can take things as slow as she needs to. I've taken some of the advice offered, I'm focused on being her friend for now, I've put a lot of my feelings of affection for her on the backburner. I'm worried she's not going to wait for the right time because she wants to feel good about something in her life, and that it's going to mess things up. I can see how it will mess things up if that happens; she needs to take the time to regain her emotional equilibrium so that she can come at how she feels about me from a good emotional space instead of out of some need to feel good about something in her life (which is what I think might be happening).
It's a difficult situation; she's planning on coming here when she leaves her husband for good, it's closer to her family and far enough away from him for her to feel safe. I am worried that when she gets here though that she's going to want to jump right into a relationship with me. At first I wanted the same thing but from all the advice I'm getting I realize that's a bad approach to take. Now I want her to take some time to sort through her feelings to see if she really wants what she says she wants, because I don't want it to blow up in our faces. She doesn't really have anyone else to help her out with a place to stay, so we can't really just tell her she has to find somewhere else to go when she leaves him, but if she's here all the time I'm worried something is going to happen before it should happen.