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Old 12-15-2012, 12:40 PM
AlixDomme AlixDomme is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 10
Default Letting him be with woman he cheated with

Last spring before we were poly my husband slept with a woman he met online. It broke my heart and shattered me. I was a complete wreck and was very suicidal, mostly bc there was not communication beforehand and he lied about it afterward for a week or so. I became obsessed with finding out who she was. I wanted to have sex w her too so I could be part of what he had with her. I never did find her and husband stopped talking to her.

Well, now we are poly and had decided to date other people pretty casually but I fell in love w someone hard and fast and I admit I have a connection w him I have never had w anyone else. It is much more than NRE--it's like we have known each other forever and we have so much more in common than my husband and I do.

Husband is intuitive and he can see how hard I have fallen. He is sad but working through his issues himself without getting mad at me. He knows it isnt my fault I fell in love (never rly part of the plan).

I have been feeling so guilty for being happy with BF while my husband has not had any luck dating people that I decided he could contact girl he slept with last spring. This was solely bc of my guilt; if I'd have thought more about my own feelings i wouldnt have said anything.

Now they are seeing each other and I am miserable about it. I dont trust her (she knew I was upset in the spring but she still got back w him?) I also dont trust my husband completely w her bc he was not safe last time they were together. He swears he will be now (they havent had sex yet) but I am unsure.

I dont know what to do. I had a nightmare about them last night and i woke up crying and miserable. It doesnt seem fair to him if I tell him not to be with her but it doesnt seem fair that I have to think of all the pain from last spring now too.

Opinions on what to do?
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Queer and married with kids and unsure about poly even after all this time.
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