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Old 12-15-2012, 04:13 AM
duckiiee duckiiee is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2
Unhappy mono dealing with jealousy of husbands NRE

sorry... long back story

I am very new to allowing my husband to participate in a polygamous relationship. We have been married 5 year and have been toying with the idea of him beginning a relationship with another women for about 3 years. He has "dated" a few women and they never seemed to be the right people for him because they wanted sex but no relationship and that is not what my hubby wanted. When he dated these women I was not jealous (mainly i think because I knew it would not work out and there for I had no reason to feel insecure). But recently he became close friends with a women and they decided that they wanted to try to have a relationship and this has left me feeling devastated. I want this to work out for him because I honestly love him and know this is something he wants and will make him happy but the NRE is killing me. I feel so insecure all the time and hurt that he no longer feels that way with me. They are constantly texting each other and it makes it feel like my alone time with him is not really alone time with him or like he feels like I am not as interesting (<<< my insecurity not his words) I knew going in that he was going to have NRE but I was not prepared for how badly it would hurt me and I am not sure how to deal with it. I have been talking to him about it a lot but when I do he feels like I am accusing him of being a horrible inconsiderate person (which I am not, I realize that all my concerns and hurt are coming from my own insecurities) I also have found that I am crying non stop and feeling distant from my husband because I am sick of feeling hurt. I feel like every time I talk to him my emotions and fears start snowballing out control and he gets frustrated saying that I am overwhelming him and making him feel bad but once I start talking I feel I cant stop without bottling up emotions (which i have read you are not suppose to do in poly relationships). I don't know how to tell him just a little about what I am feeling with out revealing the level of my hurt. I know he is trying to be patient with me but I cant expect him to deal with me acting like this forever. I really want to give him this but don't know how to deal with myself. Every time I start releasing he brings up that maybe he should stop his relationship with her but that is not at all what I want! I am trying to do this for him and I WANT to do this for him but I just feel so horrible all the time. I like the girl he is with and think they make a good match and am not feeling hostile against her (we are even trying to be friends). i am only hurt and insecure about the NRE. I also find that I can not stand him touching me after he is physical with her (not just sex physical but if he cuddles her too) or to sit on the couch or go to our bed if she has been there. It has only been a week but I feel I am falling apart and just want to scream and cry all the time. PLEASE HELP!!!! Him stopping the relationship is not an option for me so please only advice on how to handle it.
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