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Old 12-29-2009, 12:16 AM
LadyMacbeth LadyMacbeth is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 29
Default Hurting over family judgment

I had a very painful conversation with my sister last night. She is visiting from LA, and we were "accidentally outed" by a text message from my husband's girlfriend. She texted and my sister grabbed the phone and read the message and wanted an explanation. My husband and I have discussed coming out, but had decided not to do it on the holidays due to some wonderfully wise advice from people here.

Initially I had a lengthy conversation with sis, answered questions, etc. She admitted to having multiple affairs on her now husband, and point blank asked me, "isn't lying easier if you want to be with other people?" I said, "yes, in some ways but I wouldn't trade it. Nobody discussed this the next day (the people that heard were sister and brother in law, and brother who subsequently came out as bisexual).

This morning, while on my way to work, sis hit me with the following:
1. You're going to hurt your (11 year old) daughter (because inevitably this makes children "weird")
2. These things never work
3. I basically "coerced" my husband since I am the primary breadwinner and was the first person to bring the concept up.

She went on about "only saying this because I love you" and "beg you to stop this and reconsider" and "I always thought you were my wiser older sister" and on and on. I cried and cried and cried. We had a lunch date with my mom and had to pretend the conversation never happened. I think we need to talk more, but not sure how/when/what/etc.

My sister has always been my best friend, and even though I hadn't come out I had a fantasy that if anyone would accept me for who I really am, it would be her. Feeling very alone.

Any similar experiences?
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coming out, family

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