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Old 12-12-2012, 01:03 AM
purelyparadox23 purelyparadox23 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 10
Default I am growing close with my new guy but feeling distant from my boyfriend. Advice?

First I will give you some background:
I was in a happy, monogamous, long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years before we decided to try an open relationship about 3 months ago. He is my first boyfriend and I have been dating him for as long as I have been at college (I'm a 21 year old senior this year), I am also his first girlfriend and he lives in England so we only see each other twice a year for a month or two at a time. We have come up against a lot of obstacles since we've been dating - culture clash, different upbringings, and my insecurity issues to name a few - but everything we've been through has made our love stronger.

However, things are a bit different this year. I got a job at a local pub and have been meeting lots of new people/making more friends in the span of a few months than I have made during my whole time at college. I was also starting to feel like I missed out on the whole dating/sexual experimentation phase that most college kids go through because I got into a serious relationship right away, and when I told my boyfriend this he said that he's always felt guilty that I never got to experiment with other people and he supports me 100% if i want to try an open relationship. I was shocked that he would suggest this because I wasn't even considering it, but that completely opened up a door for me and we decided to try it.

Fast forward to now. I met this awesome friend who turns out to also be in an open relationship (he broke up with his girlfriend when he moved to another state, but they hope to get back together one day), and he and I decided to experiment together. It was initially supposed to be a friends with benefits thing, but we have had some intensely intimate moments together to the point that doing things with him is almost like a spiritual experience. He is VERY different than my boyfriend, because my boyfriend is just your typical guy, has a pretty simplistic and in-the-moment approach to things, whereas my guy friend is an extremely deep and sensitive intellectual. I am also a very deep person and find myself fascinated by my friend, and developing strong feelings for him. I am very much embracing the polyamorous idea that it's ok to feel love for more than one person, so I'm ok with the fact that I'm developing feelings for him. The thing I'm not ok with is that now I'm starting to feel bored with my boyfriend!

So this is my question for you guys: is it normal to feel a little bored with your old relationship when a new person comes into the picture, or does this mean that I am falling out of love with my boyfriend? I love him so much and we have been through so much together, but lately I don't feel excited about talking to him and things between us feel a bit stale. Meanwhile I have been seeing my guy friend practically every day and having these profoundly touching experiences with him, and always look forward to doing things with him. What does this mean? I'm just really nervous because I have never experienced something like this before. Has anyone been through something similar to this?
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long distance, love triangle, open relationship, poly dating

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