I am trying to hear what you are saying.
Chipmunk and I have no relationship. We are currently more like casual acquaintances/roommates. I can really only state the obvious. That she does need to move out on her own. Basically I have been telling Airyn that I don't like this arrangement it doesn't work for me. I told him almost 2 months ago now, that I don't care that he has a girlfriend, but I don't want her living with me. (I have actually told Airyn this multiple times, unfortunately I was also very emotional and/or angry so it was being blown off I think.) However, her moving out is not my decision to make, or not just my decision to make.
I have also talked with Chipmunk multiple times about how she feels, and what she wants/needs. Several times I have asked her to find a way to be able to talk to me, and Airyn about things. This is not happening. I have talked with Airyn about how we have been doing things for Chipmunk that we wouldn't do for Wolf, that we allow Chipmunk to do/act in ways we do not allow Wolf, and that this has to change. Airyn is not fast to make these changes, I am not either. Part of that is that we do feel responsible.
We both feel to varying degrees that we talked Chipmunk into this arrangement, and told her all these things that didn't work out. So we feel guilt (to varying degrees) over things not working the way we had described.
I'm listening, and I'm thinking.
I've been overtly emotional recently.
I've also been doing a lot of reading, research, learning.
I have a lot to think about.
I do understand that people should be accept for who they are. I was presented with a person who expressed her self as something that turned out to not be so. When someone moves in with you, you learn more things about them. Some things are good, some are bothersome, and some can be obnoxious. I have heard about many relationships that were wonderful till after the couple moved in together, and found out that certain traits/habits we not acceptable.
The way Chipmunk happens to be does not work for me in this situation. Would it be ok in a different situation? Possibly, just not in this one.
I told Airyn that if she lived else where, and Wolf and I did not have to see and hear some of these things, then it would not be an issue, he could be in a relationship with her how ever he wants. Since she lives with me, she has to be just as willing as I am to make things comfortable at home. Airyn asked me to be more calm, to help him by finding a way to cope and reduce the stress levels in the house. I have done as much as I can, or as much as I am willing to (the same thing right?) They have both acknowledged (after she and I broke up) that what they are asking of me may be too much. So now I'm saying that yes I can not continue to live this way. I am also giving them the chance to find a way that will allow all of us to live together. Chipmunk can say Ok, I see you don't like how I am, and we can't live together. I will move out. She does not want to do this, and Airyn also does not want her to move out.
Another problem that I have yet to talk much about is that Chipmunk does not react well to me. As in she has begun to dislike me in general. Avoiding being around me, getting moody when we are all together. This makes Airyn feel like he has to be close to her to reduce the potential drama. He told me that he thinks it's jealousy. That I have what she wants, marriage, long term relationship. I can't change that, and I'm not leaving. We presented ourselves as a married couple, as a unit, a packaged deal. She chose to accept what we offered, as much as we chose to accept what she said she was offering (or willing to try). Things didn't work, and have been broken for a long while. I'm reading these forums, learning new things, and trying them on for size. Trying to cope with a situation I don't like, and did not want.
Right now All I can do is shake my head. I'm tired, drained, fed-up. Yes I know we made a mistake. I talked to Airyn about this a long time ago, and we still talk about it some times. The whole thing moved way to fast. To fast for me, to fast for Chipmunk, and to fast for Airyn. It didn't work out, and now we are here. I don't know if this can be fixed, right now I'm resistant to working on having a relationship with Chipmunk at all. I have talked to Airyn about this. It stems from my need for healing. I'm mourning is what I have read here. I'm mourning the loss of my ideals, the loss of something I wanted that didn't work, the end of a relationship. This is new and different for me. lol I have more than 10 tabs open in my browser about communications, loss, grief, how to open, more than two, and so many others.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
|age difference, ffm, fmf, third partner, triad fallout, triads|