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Old 12-01-2012, 05:22 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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I happened to read some great advice on fetlife today about this subject. The person said

"Discuss holiday traditions at least 3 months before the holiday. Just fondly reminisce and ask your partner/s to do the same.
Now you'll all have a good idea of what might conflict before the emotion laden dates arrives"

I know it's a little late for this holiday, but I think it's a great for many things (going to a party for the first time when one of you will have two partners and you aren't sure how to act, addressing PDAs, and many other things that if you wait til last minute to talk about, can easily lead to emotional responses or confusion about what's going on).
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Old 12-02-2012, 06:06 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
What is a platonic marriage and how are you going to marry him if he's already married?
The simplest explanation I can think of is two people who are married and committed to their life together, but their relationship is more of a friendship than a romance. Typically, there is no sexual component or romantic feelings, but there is still a form of love.

Marriage doesn't always have to mean legal marriage. You could have a ceremony and commit to one another, without getting a license and all that. Technically (legally) it's not "marriage" but really, that's just a legal contract that's pretty much irrelevant these days, divorce rates being what they are.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:21 PM
BlazenBurn BlazenBurn is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34

That's exactly what their relationship is like. If Darling could legally marry Chatty and I, then he would. Mostly for the contractual issues, like health insurance and inheritance rights.
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Old 12-03-2012, 05:37 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Your answers raise more questions.

How many women has Darling been married to legally, ie, by the rest of the world's definition? How many women has Darling been 'married' to by his own definition? Does he make a habit of bringing new women, or new women with children, to family holidays every second or third year, or are you and Chatty and his current wife the only ones, ever? As far as I understand, you've been seeing him less than a year, right?

Is he expecting his family to immediately embrace you as a daughter-in-law and your children as grandchlidren? Is he (or you) expecting them to shower your children with gifts at Christmas? Have you ever met any of his family before now, and in what situations?
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:50 AM
BlazenBurn BlazenBurn is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34

Darling has been legally married once, to his current wife. This is the first time he has told his extended family about any relationship besides his legal marriage. This is the first time he has ever brought anyone to meet his extended family as a partner. He has not told them about Chatty and based upon their reaction has decided that will not happen for quite awhile.

I am not a stranger to his family. They have known me since I was a teen. I suppose Darling expected that they would be more accepting than they are. He is understanding now that he rushed it and should have begun talking to them earlier.

I don't think it is realistic to believe that they will embrace me or my children as part of the family yet. They need more time to absorb everything. I certainly don't expect them to shower my kids with gifts. We were just hoping that my kids and I could be included in their celebration.
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