The journey has been arduous and sorry for not being clear about the past...the triad is old news and nothing I want anymore with her...I brought it up because I don't think he ever let it go even though he said he did- he doesn't give up what he wants easily.
Still no contact from him. We meet on Skype every Sunday so that I heard nothing today is a pretty big deal. I guess I have no choice now but to believe its over- ao surreal since its only been a week since our visit. This is f"ng torture-my sister is a nurse and thinks I'm clinically depressed and says she hates him For stringing me out like this. Also I am drinking too much now.
He actually is in therapy that's part of the effort he was making for us. I think he's mad right now because he thinks he's done a lot to move toward us and that I just don't get how hard it is for him. But this silence after my naturally normal reaction to his news is starting to destroy me and that he doesn't care at this point is ......well...
Originally Posted by Anneintherain
You know, people should put themselves first, then they should put the people they love second. If somebody who said they'd be putting me second failed to contact me during a time like this, I think I would consider that to be too selfish and self centered - 30 seconds for a text you know? Sorry to be negative but I also would have to agree that he doesn't seem to have what it takes to be a good, honest, upfront partner. If he does end up without his wife and with you, and starts dating again (ya sure, its complicated so he wouldn't do it again - I wouldn't count on that though), those same issues are going to manifest themselves again in all the saome ways if he hasn't done something to grow past them such as therapy.
I am sure people have mentioned this before, but full triad would mean you are dating her too, I've been confused in your posts since if you had been involved with her I have forgotten you mentioning that. What he wanted (I assume) is a V where both of you get along like gangbusters and dont cause him any stress. I only mention this because advice can be more useful if things are described accurately.
You say that if you lived together you'd be a full partner and "Being a full partner means sharing our lives in full." I want you to really think - if he isn't sharing with you in full now - ie he's still having sex with his wife and upset if you have the nerve to ask him - he's going afk for days, weeks or months at his whim without really caring how it's affecting you, and it's unlikely that it will magically change if you do move in together. Going incommunicado for months - how do you convince yourself that is part of love? 8 months ago you were talking about dating, I hope that you have been open to dating and going out with people.
I'd surely not think about moving to be with him until 6 or so months had gone by with him not living with her and you could see how his actions were going to be when he didn't have her to blame his behavior on.