Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Couldn't agree more my friend. If this is about getting to have lots of friends with benefits or one night stands I also don't see this as poly. For me poly involves real feelings with depth, not just saying, "I can love more than one person" and using poly as a way to justify having multiple sex partners.
I don't think this is a poly question. I think it is an open relationship agreement issue. You had an agreement, he was not clear on his real feelings, you chose not to address his jealousy concerns and the other girl got hurt because you were not up front with your intentions around sex.
Hope this doesn't sound harsh, but is the way I see it.
I'm sorry, but you don't know me and I feel you are being unreasonably judgmental. It's not that I never wanted real feelings to be attached with this girl, it is that I am not in a situation that permits such a thing so I had to guard my heart and make it an "open relationship." If we had agreed that I was free to pursue a relationship with her things might have gone differently.
I'm sure you didn't start out fully polyamorous either, and that it was a process for you. I'm sure you resent the idea that any poly person just wants to have "legal adultery" as much as I do. Despite my feelings that I can love more than one person, I cannot act on those feelings while in a monogamous relationship. Do you not agree?
I never said I just wanted a bunch of fuck buddies, those are a dime a dozen and I could and have had that easily and plentifully. I don't need poly to justify anything in that situation.
It is easy to write off someone as being just a selfish playgirl and call yourself legitimately polyamorous when you are in a poly relationship, but I liken that to saying a gay man is not really gay because he is dating a girl and hasn't come out of the closet.