Life is complicated. So much more now than a few days ago...
So wow, this is pretty crazy to me.
My primary and I have been in a poly relationship for a long time now, almost 4-ish years or so, and I wasn't the one who initiated the discussion about a poly lifestyle, but I was sure stoked about the possibilities. My partner had a long term secondary when we lived in the big city, and now we live in a small town, a move for my career, which is it's own can of worms. She's still in touch with her other man from our old hometown, which makes me happy, because they care about each other, and they see each other from time to time, which is great for them, and for me too. She's been looking for another man who's closer to our new home, and that's been a bit of a struggle since it's hard to find someone who she likes and who's willing to be a secondary in a poly relationship, but we're muddling through. A good friend of her's, who we've known for a few years, has been having a lot of marital trouble (ever since we've known her) and we've been trying to reach out to her, to help her get out of an abusive relationship. It's difficult for her to come to terms with her marriage not working, probably ending, and having to figure out how to make her own way in the world, and she's planning to come stay with us for a while while she gets things sorted out. Now none of this is an issue at all, in fact we're glad she's considering taking our help, but there's a wrench. She's really into me, apparently. Now don't get me wrong, I've always known she's got a good soul, and I've always had the thought that maybe one day we could be more than friends in the back of my mind, but she's always had issues with how she feels about leaving her husband, and she's always clung to the thought that they could work it out. Now she's sure they can't work it out and her guilt and apprehension about leaving him and wanting me have left her mind. I'm concerned about a few things. First, I'm struggling with the issue of how to be her friend when she needs friends to help out (she
's got two kids, it's not exactly an easy thing for her to do). My wife and I have lots of room in our house and there's no worries about accomodating them because they have no one else in their lives, but she needs a friend and she wants a lover. She knows the score, she knows I'm in a poly relationship and she knows about my wife's secondaries, that's not really an issue, but I'm having trouble reconciling being a friend to her and wanting to be her lover. It should be simple, because she wants me in her life as much as I want her. Should I just run with this and take what I want? Or should I be more slow and careful. She's vulnerable right now and I'm worried she just might be reaching for something because she's scared. Any input or insights would be much appreciated.