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Old 12-01-2012, 11:14 AM
MJNovak MJNovak is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 4
Default In my very first polyamorous relationship...

Hi there.
I am very new to the world of polyamory...
I am 28 years old and earlier this year my husband and I separated.
I have been seeing a man for about three months now, who is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend of many years. They very recently decided to open their relationship. She knows he is seeing me (and she is also seeing someone else).

I have never been in a polyamorous relationship before and I am not sure exactly how to deal with being the secondary/tertiary partner of this man. (I also am not a huge fun of those terms )
He says that he loves me and I love him but I do feel upset and jealous sometimes and although I know that I am not his highest priority in many ways, I do believe that he loves me. It's just... having been in a monogamous relationship for many years prior to this relationship, I guess it is a bit tricky to get my head around the whole polyamory thing.
I don't mean to sound disrespectful or scornful or anything like that - I have spent the week reading a lot about polyamory and I apologise if I sound that way.

I fully respect the relationship that the guy I am seeing has with his girlfriend and I don't want him to stop seeing her to be with me or anything (I do not want to get into any sort of monogomous relationship again any time soon) but I am scared I will lose him because I feel like I am just causing him extra problems. He is very busy with work and his primary (and now secondary, who has just flown over for a visit, from overseas) and I feel like I am just adding stress to his situation with his girlfriend. I don't want to lose him but I am finding it a bit difficult to deal with the small amounts of time I get to spend with him and when I get upset or emotional about that I feel bad and I think that is unfair to him.
We have talked about this, but I do find it hard to talk about my feelings and I don't want him to think I am sulking or being dramatic or anything.
It has been three months and I care about him so much but I am still... insecure I guess? (Or just plain stupid)
Do you think I am just not "cut out" for being in polyamorous relationship?
I guess I am just looking for any insight anyone can offer me on this very new situation
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