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  #11  
Old 06-07-2009, 06:18 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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I have heard of some poly people going monogamous for awhile. For some, poly is an option. For others, it is a must-have. If someone is open enough to love many people, that is poly enough for me.
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  #12  
Old 06-08-2009, 02:46 AM
StarGazer StarGazer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
There's anecdotes on either side of the coin...for every story of a poly not being suited to mono, there's a similar story of a mono's not being suited to poly (or the more frequent cheating version that society is somehow more comfortable condoning).
It seems like they often overlap- the poly brings it up with their partner, the mono partner realizes it wouldn't work for them, the poly tries to respect that and at some point ends up cheating. :/

Quote:
I appreciate the options, and the openness...a lot of it appeals to me.
I think the love and family aspects appeal to me more, I've been reading polyfamilies.com, and that's the kind of thing I'd like. Obviously you can't say "I know what I want, now I'm going to find someone(s) who'll make it happen!". My personality, and identity make it unlikely I'll find many suitable partners even if I was a serial monogamist, so it's not a big deal if that never happens. It's more a "it'd be nice if".


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Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
I don't mind white lies. In fact I do think that there are some that are necessary, but anyone lies to me on an important detail, or with intent to hurt me or someone else, and they will get a strong rebuke.
I'm not fully comfortable on white lies, I never got the concept of a harmless little lie. I'm sure they're fine in moderation- but I also think people can spin entire webs of them and turn a few white lies into a larger deception if they aren't careful. I wouldn't be upset at one- but I'd be wary if they showed up too much.

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Originally Posted by Quath View Post
I have heard of some poly people going monogamous for awhile. For some, poly is an option. For others, it is a must-have. If someone is open enough to love many people, that is poly enough for me.
Thank you.
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  #13  
Old 06-08-2009, 06:39 AM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarGazer View Post
I'm not fully comfortable on white lies, I never got the concept of a harmless little lie. I'm sure they're fine in moderation- but I also think people can spin entire webs of them and turn a few white lies into a larger deception if they aren't careful. I wouldn't be upset at one- but I'd be wary if they showed up too much.
Even white lies are dangerous, but what do you tell the cops when they come looking for your friend who is hiding in the basement?

What do you tell a woman who says; "Do these pants make me look fat?"

IMO, it must be a very rare ocurrance, but it must not be explicitly ruled out for the sake of personal and family protection. I actually committed myself to truth, and not telling lies. I lasted two weeks. I went on a job interview, and they had a question: "Have you ever been arrested?" I knew that they could not legally ask that question, so I lied. There is a legal question they can ask in my state, and it is something like this:

Have you ever been convicted of a felony which did not end in a admistrative dismissal?

(some felonies are dismissed through special programs of the State court system)

It was easier to lie and get the job than to sue them for asking the question on a job application.

Last edited by alphafour; 06-08-2009 at 07:02 AM.
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  #14  
Old 06-09-2009, 03:35 AM
StarGazer StarGazer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
IMO, it must be a very rare ocurrance, but it must not be explicitly ruled out for the sake of personal and family protection.
There are times it's necessary, I can understand that- which is why it isn't something to complain about every time. But I think some people risk getting into the habit of doing it too much, and that's something that can be a problem.
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  #15  
Old 06-09-2009, 04:27 AM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarGazer View Post
There are times it's necessary, I can understand that- which is why it isn't something to complain about every time. But I think some people risk getting into the habit of doing it too much, and that's something that can be a problem.
The less you do it, the more freely you can call others on it. It is the way it works. It is not a good habit, and it destroys relationships. I won't have a compulsive liar in my life, and I will call you on it if it is big enough, especially when the intent is clearly to do harm to another. I don't think I will tell your kids about the real Santa Clause.
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  #16  
Old 06-10-2009, 04:56 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Alpha you are correct. You really can't have any lies in any relationship. Where does it stop? Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. Without it, wouldn't everyone just be left to wonder, what really is real?
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  #17  
Old 06-10-2009, 05:35 PM
whitewolfokc whitewolfokc is offline
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In my case I realized I was totally in love with both women, and had trouble with the idea of living without either of them. So I guess it turned out I was poly. I wouldnt have known that I was capable of this. Of course as I found out, when you find yourself in that situation and one of the people simply cannot accept you like that, you end up in an extremely difficult pickle.

As someone close to me once said, every relationship is unique and defines itself. Trying to fit it into a box just doesnt work. I could easily see myself not being poly at all with my new love. Not necessarily because I got burned on this, but because no one may ever come alone that we both really want in the relationship. I know we would be somewhat open, but very reserved.
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  #18  
Old 06-10-2009, 06:42 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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White, you realized exactly what I went thru, except so far I've been able to keep both women in my life. I am truly a lucky guy. I can empathize with you not going down this poly road again. Perhaps we're meant to experience many different relationships in our life just like we're supposed to change career paths quite a few times along the way?
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  #19  
Old 06-11-2009, 02:18 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Well, most of us were never trying to be poly--we just found it perfectly natural to be attracted to and involved with more than one person at a time.

When the song asked "did you ever have to make up your mind?" my response was to wonder why I had to choose only one. Why couldn't I be involved with both girls?

(I realize that song may be too old for some folks to catch the reference. That's OK...I've adjusted to being old.)
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  #20  
Old 06-11-2009, 02:24 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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SC, I can appreciate the song, been there when it was popular too. Just ironic that it took me to this age to seriously consider living what the rest of our society considers outside the box.
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