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Old 11-30-2012, 12:30 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

I second (third?) the notion that electronic communication is not private. I "snoop" on my husband's phone (idle curiosity, not checking up... he hates texting so there's never anything interesting anyway) and while he doesn't bother with mine, I wouldn't care if he did.

My girlfriend and her husband share a cell phone, so I assume anything I send to her might get read by him instead. They also have a teenager, and teenagers are notoriously snoopy.

For me, it all comes down to "honesty is more important than privacy" in a relationship. We don't keep secrets. Oh, there are things we don't bother telling each other... usually little guilt things, like I went on a shopping spree and wasted money, or he started smoking again when he was trying to quit. Usually things more about embarrassment than secrecy.

As for the flirting, I'm with Jayne on that. Not in that I'm a hopeless flirt (teach me, Yoda!) but that I think each person is responsible for setting out the boundaries of their personal situation. If this girl and your husband have history, then I can totally see how it would be acceptable to her to try and pick up where things left off.

I also find it ironic that on one hand you're pursuing nonmonogamy, yet still holding others to the assumed expectations of monogamy. It's the second time this week I've seen a woman get upset for some other woman hitting on her husband, on the basis that she should have assumed he was in a monogamous marriage. "It's not that she was doing it, it's that she thought it was OK to do it." *shakes head in confusion*
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 11-30-2012, 01:35 PM
snlawesome snlawesome is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 18

We have had many more lengthy discussions here about it all. I've cleared up a lot in my head. Part of which is that the whole flirting thing is really my uneasiness about them having a past. Instead of us learning to love this new person together he has someone he already has a level of comfort with and I do not. Which is ok but makes me feel left out of the loop a bit. But knowing that now we can work it out. Like I said it's all new andvsometimes emotions pop up that you don't even know about until it's too late lol. So wish us luck sorry for any typos on my phone and it's hard to see.
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