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Old 11-25-2012, 01:37 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
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Yeah, yeah, whatever to you too. Funny how you're willing to get all analytical about one side of it, but not so much other other. Doesn't really give me much reason to give your input any consideration.

As you pointed out, these people may not be real, but as you also said they represent a very real, very common occurrence in relationships. Perhaps they deserve each other, but perhaps some people, regardless of gender, need to get it through their heads that, "Don't worry about it" is not an appropriate response to one's life partner. While it may not be meant as condescending or disrespectful, there's obviously people out there who would take it that way (some right here on this forum!), so why not listen to that point of view and try to respect it?

This might come off as sexist, but I'll throw it out there anyway. I wonder how many women have a problem with "Don't worry about it" because they've repeatedly had issues with men (fathers, brothers, husbands, boyfriends, even just friends, whatever) trying to make decisions for them or "fix" things for them, rather than letting them make their own choices by giving them all the available information. I know I'm far more likely to get sensitive about "Don't worry about it" because I equate it with "I'll take care of this, I know best" which I heard for a significant part of my life. Probably still an overreaction on my part, but I end up feeling like I've been told, "I don't need you, you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute to this". Which could be the case, and if that's so, fine. If MC's mulling over an issue at work, I'll leave him to it. I'm more than willing to listen if he wants to talk but I know I'll have absolutely nothing useful to contribute. I don't get what he does for a living at all. But I'd still much rather be told, "I'm thinking about a problem at work" than, "Nothing, don't worry about it". Plus, as said before, the "Nothing" part ISN'T TRUE!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 11-25-2012 at 01:41 AM. Reason: typo!
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:03 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Yeah, she gets way overly worked up over it, but how is, "It's nothing, don't worry about it" better than just telling her what's on his mind? It may not be hugely important, but obviously it's a big enough deal to keep his mind on it and she's noticed and asked, so why not just answer??

After enough situations similar to this, my husband's worked out that it's much simpler to say "My boat won't start, can't figure out why" the first time I ask "What's wrong?" Then I stop wondering, which means I stop pestering him to "open up and talk about his feelings" when his feeling is just frustration about a trivial matter.

When his rumination is about something more serious, he's also learned to tell me he's not ready to talk about it. Then he either figures it out on his own, in which case his mood improves, or else he talks to me about it. So I've learned to give him space in between.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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