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Old 11-21-2012, 02:35 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
The downside to counseling is hearing things that might hurt your feeling. And people start feeling they can share thoughts and feeling.
I think this is an excellent point. A good therapist will help you realize that your feelings are valid and acceptable. He previously may have been willing to put his feelings in a bottle. The counselling process could be taking those feelings out of the bottle.

I think it's good to take those feelings out of the bottle, and dangerous to criticize him for doing so, assuming you want him to continue to grow and become emotional and expressive.

In other words, you wanted him to learn how to Feel. That means good feelings and bad. You can't just say "I want you to express your love more, but don't express your hurt."

My husband is not very emotive, due to his upbringing. I've been encouraging him to express himself more. He's starting to. We're at an awkward point where he's starting to tell me when things are bothering him before the pot boils over, but he's still really self-conscious about doing it. I'm glad he's able to express himself, but that doesn't make it painless for me to hear about how I've hurt him. Sometimes I'll sit there for a minute and process what he's said, and he'll get really apprehensive. He'll start giving explanations about how I wanted him to express himself so he's expressing himself. Maybe I need to precede my processing with "Thank you for sharing. I'm going to think about what you said for a minute. I'm not sure how to respond yet, but I'm grateful that you put yourself out there."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-21-2012 at 02:40 AM.
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