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  #31  
Old 11-11-2012, 05:11 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Why do I keep giving him more and more chances? So I mentioned last week that the comment Peaseblossum made left me visibly upset and Primal told me that he was going to spend the whole weekend with me because he had promised it.

Well guess what he did last night? Ended up going home with her because she asked him to.

And what am I thinking of doing rather than just ending things with him and moving out? Giving him one last fucking chance. Basically since he lied to me and pushed me aside (for probably the 6 or 7 time since we've been dating) for her I'm making it clear that next Saturday (when he was going to take us both to an event) after the event I want the time with him and for it to be just the two of us because I need him to actually show me that he gives a flying fuck about this relationship and what he tells me he's going to do.

If he doesn't then I'm finally going to grow my own balls and break up with him, move out, and stop spending time anywhere I may see him until I'm no longer in love with him.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #32  
Old 11-19-2012, 03:48 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I know I talked about the latest drama in another thread cause I needed the advice/support.

Things are still a little tense now a week later but overall it's starting to heal. Basically turned out to be for me emotionally basically a break up with most of the group. Primal and I have talked a lot since Sunday and throughout the week about everything and he's stated that he doesn't want things to end between us, that he still wants to be my boyfriend if I will have him but that he's one request for now is even though I hate thinking of things in terms of hierarchies to think of him as my secondary.

So I know at some point I will still want a relationship with a girl but I'm not going to even think about looking or developing one until A) I'm healed from this all and B) I'm in a healthier spot emotionally.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #33  
Old 11-21-2012, 02:47 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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This is not very poly orriented but it's on my mind.

I really want/need a kitten. Our place won't let any more pets in it (the downstairs neighbors have 4 pets and our place has a dog and a snake) but I just feel disconnected not having that cuddle monster that's mine. I miss having that living thing that needs me to take care of it and love it.

The other cuddly type of pets either won't work because of serious fears or the fact I don't have the time to train a puppy.

It's probably why if I wasn't so seriously frightened of being pregnant I really would want kids.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #34  
Old 11-26-2012, 04:29 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I'm so confused what to do. I don't know how to be supportive of Primal without hurting my friendship with Lamian or even if this is something I should be doing.

Back story time.

Lamian and Darkeyes started dating June 2011. Her and Primal had been fighting since April. Primal really wasn't okay with her being in another relationship but felt like he had to say it was okay to try and fix things. September of that year there was a major explosion that almost resulted in Primal and Lamian getting a divorce (they did not live with each other from the end of September till probably around January of 2012).

Lamian refuses to share time with Primal and either Peaseblossum or myself. That wouldn't be a problem in itself but since May (when Darkeyes started feeling comfortable even sleeping in the same house as Primal) she has Darkeyes stay any night she has with Primal so she can snuggle between both boys. She's still highly sexual with Darkeyes (Primal and I accidently walked in on them Sunday when we were getting towels to shower) but hasn't been sexual with Primal in over 2 months (which includes their anniversary and his birthday) because she won't spend any time with just him.

The Sunday of the explosion that happened with me she was talking about how she feels that it's mine and Peaseblossum's fault for needing so much out of Primal that her marriage is still possibly going to end. She also mentioned that she had told Primal that if she met him and Darkeyes at the same time she would have only been in a relationship with Darkeyes.

So now I'm trying to figure out what I can do. I don't want Primal to still be hurting because Lamian constantly pushes him aside but I don't know if there's anything I could do that wouldn't jepordize my friendship with her.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #35  
Old 11-30-2012, 03:08 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I guess I kinda lied to myself about not looking for a relationship. But I started talking to girl (I'll call her Dsy) on OkCupid who is my age and married and poly. I think the reason why I feel comfortable talking with her is she even stated on her profile that right now she's in the middle of a move/new job so where she is wanting to start is making friends and then after things start settling down start thinking about going on dates with the people she's met.

So at the least I may have a nice new friend from this.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #36  
Old 12-10-2012, 11:27 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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There's part of me that's concerned I'm doing things wrong in relation to Dys correctly. I haven't talked with Woodsmith or Primal about her yet. Primal wants me to work on putting him as a secondary right now not on equal ground to Woodsmith so I feel like I should talk to him (Woodsmith) first about Dys. He's been studying for finals and I don't want to disrupt him during that time.

Thankfully he's done with finals tomorrow so I can talk to him about her then. And when I see Primal next after that (and we can have time for just the two of us) I can talk with him about it.

Dys and I haven't even progressed past the talking online part yet to even think about setting up a time to actually meet so I'm not feeling as bad about it if that had happened.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #37  
Old 12-16-2012, 01:43 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Unwanted. Unneeded. There's no allowing of feeling upset or hurt or else I'm just a selfish cunt. I wish I could go back 4 years to never had meet any of them. How, no why, is it the ones you love always cut you the deepest and harshest. Why if they all treat me as a dead weight do they not just drop me? I don't know what to do anymore or how I am supposed to go on.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #38  
Old 12-17-2012, 03:51 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I need to stop journalling/letting my head run away from me when things are not good.

They do care about me. I just have been feeling neglected this past week because I lost my job, Woodsmith is spending almost all of his time sleeping cause he's done with finals and everyone else was out of town house sitting.

Woodsmith and Primal yesterday got me starting to focus on my photography which actually made me happy for the first time this week. So maybe now that everyone is back in town things will get a little easier. I doubt Woodsmith will change his sleeping patterns though. He likes to sleep in (and can easily do so till 3 or 4).
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #39  
Old 12-18-2012, 02:45 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Hope you are doing okay. Best of luck with everything!
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  #40  
Old 12-30-2012, 02:37 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 375
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Hoping that once I do this note I am in a more clear spot. I can't go back to the hospital. Not if I keep falling afterwards.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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