Outed - and Happy about it!
A happy story.
I used to have DADT "be discrete" with DH, never was happy about it. So when I left him, I swore to never keep my loves as a shameful secret. I don't shout it from the treetops, but I don't attempt hide it any more either. My son was never fully aware I had others as real partners, though he had a bedroom at my first SO's home until he was about six. His reaction as 19yo - Cool, he makes you laugh, I like to see you happy, and Wasn't it awkward talking to dad about it?
New SO, Sunshine, was married with adult children and very much in the closet. When I said feeling like a shameful secret was going to be a deal breaker, he and his wife agreed it was overdue to tell at least the children, and that we did not need to hide public affection for fear of being discovered. (Relatively small, close minded mid-west city.)
Their older son was relieved as he had thoughts of something like affairs and cheating was going on. He has accepted it to the point where I will be at his wedding next year! The younger son said simply, "Ok" and then "What's for dinner." They had agonized for years over something that was ultimately a non-issue. Whew.
Next biggest fear was his Evangelical Christian sisters.
Some time ago he listed me as his partner on Facebook, and over the past year we have been tagged in several photos; but in past month were tagged kissing and in a picture of our names in a heart where I commented how nice it was to be reality instead of the childhood crush we had so many decades ago. Those got one sister's attention, and she messaged him, so he "confessed to her." He had expected a much worse reply than he received, that "It 'saddens' her that someone would choose this lifestyle."
Sunshine made me very happy when this finally came up, reassuring me that
"I would love for her to be accepting but I won't be able to change how she feels. However she takes the news is her choice. It doesn't affect how we define ourselves as a family."
We've had a very rough spot recently (unrelated to the closet issue), so knowing that the closet is no longer to be feared and I can participate in life (and the upcoming wedding) as Sunshine's partner without his fear of discovery is very much a happy occasion!
I recently discovered the poem "A thought? Good God!" by Richard Macwilliam
I love how it inspires me to continue being happy with who I am and the choices I make in my life.
(monogamish with my poly Sunshine, divorce unrelated to poly from DH pending)
|closet, outed, secrecy|