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Old 12-24-2009, 07:59 PM
lipsnlace's Avatar
lipsnlace lipsnlace is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 43

I'm feeling... conflicted.

I got a phone call from my S at 8am a few days ago (which is unusual), and he told me that he's leaving his wife, and would like my support. We hadn't ever discussed him leaving his wife, or anything of the sort; he just dropped it in my lap. He laid out all of the rational reasons for him to tell his wife that they should split up, he told me that he had talked to a few close friends who agreed that it was time, and he has made arrangements with a friend to stay in her spare bedroom until he figures things out.

Thankfully, I was not one of the reasons on his list for splitting up with his wife. They've split up twice before (13 years ago and 3 years ago), and he said that he always went back to her because it was the "safe choice" and the easy thing to do. It was easier to go back to her and be unhappy than to see her be upset because he wanted to split up. He doesn't like to make people unhappy, so he'd just go back to her.

I've seen that he's unhappy with her, and I know that his reasons for leaving her are legitimate, but I'm concerned that it may be partially my fault. I realize that this is the reaction that most children have when their parents split up, and is probably a natural reaction. But when we were talking, he thanked me for showing him that there are open, warm, and loving relationships out there, and that other people actually love him. He thanked me for demonstrating what a healthy, loving relationship (mine with my fiance) should be like.

I told him that every relationship looks different, but that if he's certain that that's what he wants, then I support him totally. I'm not familiar with any of this, really. My parents are still together, and I don't really know how to support him, or what to say.

I'm happy for him that he's found the courage to be happy in life, but I'm desperately hoping that it wasn't my fault. My fiance is happy for him, too, and thinks I'm silly for worrying. I'm a worrier, it's what I do.

Any suggestions for what to tell him, or how to support him?

Don't try to tell me who you are; tell me who you love.

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.
-- Jennifer Edwards

Last edited by lipsnlace; 12-24-2009 at 08:03 PM. Reason: proofreading
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