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  #1511  
Old 11-15-2012, 03:10 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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It tends to work out well when we let go of certain minutiae and trust our partners to do the right thing. Otherwise, why be with the person in the first place?
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  #1512  
Old 11-15-2012, 07:37 PM
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It tends to work out well when we let go of certain minutiae and trust our partners to do the right thing. Otherwise, why be with the person in the first place?
I guess that's all I can do. I have to let go. I have no choice. If, when all is said and done, I can't get past my core values enough to be okay that his are different, then I will move on and he will have to also. There is nothing more to do but wait. I'm holding on to the image of a sunset. With every night comes a dawn. I have to believe that if I am to have some hope.
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  #1513  
Old 11-15-2012, 08:09 PM
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Oh that totally sucks. I mean, I am sure he has his reasons and he's gotta do what he needs to, but he's basically unilaterally changing really important and big terms of your relationship.... I wish you strength to get through this one way or another.
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  #1514  
Old 11-15-2012, 08:57 PM
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Ohmygosh. I'm sorry to hear about this turn of events. I'm really surprised to hear that, after spending so much time on this site and in the poly community, he feels like DADT and getting involved with cheaters is the way to go. I guess he's going through a lot right now. :/ I will be hoping for the best for you both.
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  #1515  
Old 11-16-2012, 03:42 PM
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Yes, he's going through a lot right now and I have decided to have compassion and do my best to let it all go and just love him. I'm taking a back seat in his life and will show him love without questions if I possibly can. He has to come to what works on his own. He has asked for that and I will give it as best I can. When the cards fall I will decide if what he has eventually chosen works for me. In the mean time this is our storm sandy. The wreckage is yet to be determined. All I have is my own actions, words and my own integrity to think about. I intend to walk away from this time of my life, with or without him in it, knowing in my heart that I did all I could do to love and support him the best I could.

He wants privacy on this issue and asked me for that. I am regretting writing here now as he isn't getting that by my doing so. I won't be writing again on this topic without his consent. I thought I had it when he said I could find people to talk to but as this is public its a bit too much I think. Thanks for your concerns everyone. I'm off to find a therapist for this one though I think.
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  #1516  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:35 PM
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I'm taking it one moment at a time these days. Wrapping myself up inside and allowing myself to get all my emotions out with Mono and alone. I've spent much time crying in bathrooms and sucking up feelings to put a smile on lately. I feel as if my world is coming to an end. I won't die but I fear something is dying. Perhaps something better will be reborn?

I have some plans that are just for me that hopefully will help. Mono and I have made plans too for our possible future together. This week I have a therapist booked. I don't know what will come but chances are I will go it alone for the most part. Its increasingly looking that way when its night and I can't sleep and I think too much.
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-18-2012 at 02:41 PM.
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  #1517  
Old 11-18-2012, 05:20 PM
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Quote:
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This week I have a therapist booked.
Good stuff. Take care!
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  #1518  
Old 11-19-2012, 03:44 PM
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Today I am having tea with my mother. She says she is wondering what is going on. I told her that we are all coming to a point of Mono retiring and that its been hard on him. His life is changing and we are adjusting and will be adjusting to those changes. She said she has seen for quite sometime that something is going on and could really see it when I picked LB up from their house the other day.

My biggest challenge today, besides hurdling the anxiety and fear is to sit with her and not give her details. She has a way of losing her mind when faced with issues where her daughter or grandchild might be hurt and I need to be very careful. I have decided that I will attempt to induce compassion and love for Mono as best I can. Its what my strategy has been and I think it will wise to keep that on the forefront rather than the pain and fear.
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  #1519  
Old 11-21-2012, 06:14 AM
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holding up. That's about it. Doing for myself, thinking of myself and making alternative plans for a possible future with the hope that I don't have to go about exicuting the plan.

P.S. My mum rocks. She is so wise. She said to look after myself and to ride the storms right now and see where I am at early next year. She doesn't know much but her advice and wisdom still fits. She cares and loves Mono and is concerned for him during what seems to be a crisis of identity. She really has come a long long way. I'm so proud of her.
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-21-2012 at 06:17 AM.
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  #1520  
Old 11-22-2012, 04:05 PM
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Tired. Depleted. Its a strange feeling to think about the future now. Things are being talked out, everything is on hold. More is revealed daily about where I am and where I thought I was. My reality will take some getting used to.

One things for sure; my daily routine continues and that brings me comfort.
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