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Old 11-15-2012, 06:46 AM
darkwillows darkwillows is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 10
Default The cat's out of the bag now!

So my husband, D, and I have now been poly for roughly a year or so and we are open and honest with our mutual friends as many of them are either poly or open/swingers and have been wonderful and helped us navigate what has been a really rough year emotionally (transitioning from open to poly, cancer, jealousy, etc.).
So earlier this year D came out to his parents and explained that we were poly and he had found a girlfriend. It wasn't pretty. Anyway, it took my husband refusing to talk to her for a month before she apologized. Slowly, over time they have started to come around or at least accept that their son and DIL are a bit "different" but still the same kids they know and love.
So that was several months ago, and about a month ago D tells me that somehow his extended family has found out as well. As he doesn't really talk to them there really is only one way that they could've found out.
Oh, and his extended family makes his parents seem wonderful in comparison.
So the holidays are coming up and D wants to go out to visit the family...all of them. I told him I would rather pull out my toenails one at a time with a pair of pliers than deal with them. It's bad enough since we are not Christian (which is funny since D is, just not the "right" Christian), don't want kids, and I have severe food allergies so can never eat more than a dish or two they make.
Well now they know and we are disagreeing on how to/whether to be honest. He wants to just be direct and honest. I prefer to tell them that it's none of their business and they don't have to right to judge the validity of my marriage. It's causing a bit of tension as I know his family wants to see him (he was diagnosed with lymphoma this year and just finished treatment) but I keep having all these scenarios going through my head and I just hate the fact that I am probably going to have to defend my lifestyle and my marriage (again, had to do it with his mom) to people who have no right to judge me/mine.
Any thoughts from the forum on how to navigate this? Suggestions on what to say to nosy/negative family? It's really giving me a lot of anxiety and I already have enough to deal with.

Last edited by darkwillows; 11-15-2012 at 06:49 AM. Reason: spelling
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family, holidays, judgement, negativity

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