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  #411  
Old 10-31-2012, 07:32 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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In this situation I might take the "clueless" route and pretend like I had no idea why she texted Maca about me being there and didn't recognize the implied request to cancel. Play it like she MUST have just been texting Maca to double-check that I was still going, or something- because of course you have every right to be there and there's absolutely no reason for her to think that her opinion of you attending would at all affect your decision to go! If you can hide the completely understandable annoyance and put on a face of, "Well of course I'm here! Why wouldn't I be, silly!" then it makes her look like the idiot she is without you having to point it out to her. Win!
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  #412  
Old 10-31-2012, 09:00 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I do intend to go. My sister is going with me. Maca is not going for a variety of reasons, but the primary one is that she will be in attendance.

I usually am very good at being social and friendly regardless of my feelings for the company (lots of practice with family).

I aim to be just that, my normal friendly self. There are, at present, 11 people going. So, it undoubtedly will be interesting.

I did find out after my post that she's been talking to the group at large about the situation from her perspective (essentially that I'm a psycho with the added fuel of being a possessive and controlling wife). THAT I found out via one of the key co-organizers for the group at large (not this particular get together). Sigh...

A friend said to me, "LR, just go and be yourself it will become evident quickly that the stories are untrue and people will get to know you and it will be fine."

Which I aim to do.
But, I admit it does irritate me that I am in the position of having to prove myself to people with a preconceived and FALSE idea of who I am on account of Maca's b.s. with this girl.
I said as much to him. He acknowledged and accepted that with an apology and notation that it never occurred to him how far reaching into MY personal life his words to her could find their way. One can only hope he understands that now.
He offered to go talk to the group-but I told him that was ridiculous and wouldn't actually help anything. They will find out who I am more clearly just by my participation. He is welcome to participate, but him defending me against her words isn't going to paint a better picture at all.
He didn't understand why, but accepted that was my opinion and my preference.
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  #413  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:34 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Keep in mind that although she is talking, that doesn't mean people are listening. Go, be yourself. It will be fine.

And if not, some non-consensual smacking! (99% kidding on the latter. Keep that 1% in your back pocket though.)
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  #414  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:50 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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hehehehe, I will just VISUALIZE the smacking part. LOL!

I can be pretty imaginative-and that will help me have a REALLY sincere smile on my face all evening! LOL!
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  #415  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:52 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Glad I could help!
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  #416  
Old 11-01-2012, 12:34 AM
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I just wanted to say LR, that I haven't been contributing much, but I want to commend you on your patience with this. Utter BS.
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  #417  
Old 11-01-2012, 05:59 PM
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Thanks. I try to be patient. I admit-sometimes it means a LOT of time spent sitting in the shower mulling over WTF. Other times, that doesn't work and I come on here and write a book about WTF. But, for the most part, I try to be patient and work through figuring out the solution.
The worst part of dealing with people is that it's impossible to simply fix an issue-because they have to want to fix it too.
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  #418  
Old 11-15-2012, 02:53 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Going along. Slow but steady.

I've been busily struggling with school-productively, but still work.

Maca and I have been working on a few specifics-but I'm not clear headed enough today to write them out clearly.

We attended a couple meetups locally. That went well. There was some drama with it-but nothing major and it all worked out. Just anxiety issues.

GG and I got a date in last week and that was nice too.

Small steps.
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  #419  
Old 11-16-2012, 01:18 AM
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So bizarre.
So, yesterday I got a third request to add "her" to the private poly fb group I started.
I had already ignored the previous two.
This time I asked Maca for her number and sent her a text. I let her know it was my group and that I had received the requests, but was under the impression she didn't want to to have anything to do with me or my life-thus why I hadn't approved it.

She replied with a wordy response basically saying she wanted to be able to socialize with her poly friends on fb.

I replied and let her know that if she wanted to meet for coffee to discuss the conflict and contention between us, we could then discuss her joining the group. If she preferred not to meet, I thought it best that we avoid intermixing our socializing insomuch as possible in such a small town. Adding that I would respect her choice either way.

Haven't heard a word since. I suspect that there will be fallout-but I'm confident that my response was reasonable and respectful while still maintaining my personal boundaries.

Two weeks ago my sister and I attended a local meet-up poly meeting & enjoyed meeting some new people. One of the people we met will be coming over this weekend with her kids to have lunch and make s'mores over the campfire in our yard. There's no romantic interest, just looking forward to enjoyable friendly conversation and socializing without the myriad explanations about our lifestyle.

Last weekend, on Saturday Maca, GG and I attended a meet up I organized at a local coffee shop. There were 4 other people who showed up as well. We enjoyed a nice two hour conversation about all sorts of things from being out, to our kids education to hunting and fishing. It was very relaxing and fun. One of the ladies is interested in being a walking partner with me. So we are working on figuring out schedules so we can start walking together. VERY COOL.

Sunday my sister, GG, Maca and myself attended another meet up in town-and it was PACKED! We met some people, but the awkward part was the interest in us personally. There were so many questions aimed directly at us regarding our specific family dynamics and lifestyle. It wasn't bad-but it was bizarre.

Next weekend we have another coffee meet-up out here that we've organized.
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  #420  
Old 12-13-2012, 03:16 AM
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Things are going well.
The new poly group is going very well.
We've agreed to an every other Saturday coffee meet up and so far that has been AMAZING. 20 people roughly.

Today was bizarre.
I created an event for New Years a few days ago.
Today I got back on the event to update "location".
It CLEARLY identifies me (by full name and picture of my face) as the person organizing the event.

The drama queen is the first (and only until this evening) person who had RSVP'd.
I'm thinking-seriously? You can't even get motivated to answer a text or deal with me face to face-but you want to come to the event I am creating/organizing?

Rolled my eyes.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to stop her. I just find it ironic that she's continued bad-mouthing me, had a text temper tantrum with Maca (which I learned about today) over how my being in the poly community in Alaska has "forced her out". He told her she was full of shit-that I had never tried to force her out (in fact I created my own group so that I wouldn't be intruding on her poly-social group). She told him she had written up a "pissed off email" to me (regarding her not wanting me to be involved in the poly community here). Evidently he fairly rudely let her know she needed to fuck off.


At this point, I'm just watching with eyebrow raised.
As everyone suggested, I have just gotten involved and met people-and it's been a blast. Almost everyone I've met is new (as in, joined in the last 3 months new). So it's not even her group of "friends". There are a handful she knows.

One of the ones she knows, is the lady I met at the Pride Conference. She was the one who asked me to re-join the Poly Meet-up group in the first place.
Anyway, she and I are enjoying getting to know each other. She's been completely respectful of my VERY SLOW MOVING-albeit not secretive about the fact that she's interested in me.
She has made a point of meeting and talking with Maca and GG, as well. Something that I find endearing.

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