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  #11  
Old 11-12-2012, 12:29 AM
DsmEvolution DsmEvolution is offline
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I tend not to hide who I am. As i've gotten older, i've started using a Wanda Sykes line as my personal motto. She once said "The older I get, the less I give a fuck!"

I know it may seem simplistic, but the happiest i've been has been completely eschewing everyone Else's concerns while putting stock in what I want. I've had to do some hard thinking in the past about whom to tell and whom to leave in the dark. All my real friends know about me completely, and a few coworkers know as well. The only family to me that matters is my Mother, Sister, and a Cousin.

*IF* My partner and I meet a Third Guy and we start a relationship, I will break the news to those three and let them either accept it or not. If they don't, that's their deal, not mine as I am not changing who I am to appease their sense of decency or puritanical ideas of relationships.

Now in this moment of reality, I may have to come to that point soon.

My partner and I have met a guy who is poly identified and wants a triad. So far, I think I really like this guy and could easily see the three of us together. If it happens, then my fam will have to know as I *REFUSE* to hide someone that I am in love with.

It's scary, but I think with strength and determination, any of us can be open and honest.
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  #12  
Old 11-12-2012, 12:45 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DsmEvolution View Post
My partner and I have met a guy who is poly identified and wants a triad. So far, I think I really like this guy and could easily see the three of us together. If it happens, then my fam will have to know as I *REFUSE* to hide someone that I am in love with.
What if, for whatever reason (ex-wife trying to get custody of kids, for example) staying "in the closet" (to some degree or another) is a requirement of the new guy? (say your cousin goes to his ex-wife's church) Is that a deal breaker for you? (If the ex-wife/kids/church thing doesn't apply, couch it in terms of professional career or something). Just some food for thought...

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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The Journey of JaneQSmythe
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  #13  
Old 11-12-2012, 12:52 AM
DsmEvolution DsmEvolution is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
What if, for whatever reason (ex-wife trying to get custody of kids, for example) staying "in the closet" (to some degree or another) is a requirement of the new guy? (say your cousin goes to his ex-wife's church) Is that a deal breaker for you? (If the ex-wife/kids/church thing doesn't apply, couch it in terms of professional career or something). Just some food for thought...

JaneQ
If he requires that kind of discretion, then I am by all means willing to accommodate that. I just don't want it to be unknown due to my own possible insecurities. I want to be open and honest for my own well being, so if he has a valid reason to not be, then that's different. I just don't want either of my men (possible men) to feel that they are less loved or less cared for because I don't tell my family about them.

I can see how it would hurt me and I refuse to cause that kind of hurt for someone else, especially in this situation. If I do have a third, I want him to know that he is as special and amazing to me as my first partner is.

Though I do hate using the terms primary and secondary as it to me denotes a difference in my partners.
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  #14  
Old 11-13-2012, 09:00 AM
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Kommander Kommander is offline
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I don't like being in closets. It's dark in there, fairly cramped, and there may be spiders.

Being out, no one cares really. The worst I've gotten is stuff along the lines of "I don't approve, but I'm not going to tell you how to live your life." It's quite annoying. I've prepared several arguments as to why polyamory is a valid way of approching relationships and I never get to use them.

When I tell people I'm polyamorous, the most common response is "Huh? What's that?" This is a problem. We're never going to get past the bullshit that prevents people from living openly if most people don't even know we exist. So, I mention it every chance I get. I honestly don't care if people accept it or not; knowing it's a thing that exists is more important.

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Originally Posted by Helo View Post
I swear, its like a programming language.
There's also the "Yeah, it would be nice if something like that could actually work!" response that comes up sometimes. I'm like "It can, actually. People do it."


Quote:
Originally Posted by Fayerweather View Post
Browncoats unite!
Hey, I didn't fight in no war. Best of luck though.
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  #15  
Old 11-13-2012, 03:21 PM
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LilacViolin LilacViolin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Fayerweather, this is my version of painting the closet; if I have to be in it, it might as well be fun.
I love it.

Totally in the closet here with his family. It is something not discussed in my family. Luckily though we live far away from them all so it doesn't matter much.

All of our friends know. Some of Programmer's friends think that because we're poly we'll sleep with anyone. THAT is frustrating.
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  #16  
Old 11-13-2012, 08:49 PM
suddentwist suddentwist is offline
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I am in a new triad. things are great but i am very nervous about the reprocutions of people on the out side finding out. Especially my bff since kindergarten who is married to my husbands bff. She WILL disown both of us if/when she finds out.
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