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  #1  
Old 12-21-2009, 09:55 PM
Malkie Malkie is offline
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Default But for lack of advice :D

Hello world

Well i'm here and i hope to get some answers as it where.

I knew i've always been poly in the sense of one sexual partner alone doesn't do it for me, and i've always felt attraction to other people which could have been more then mere sex in alot of cases but i never heard of polyamory til about 6 months ago.

I met a girl and we just stuck a total cord, at a fetish party of all things which i got told was a one in a million. So we got together just enjoyed each others company, i knew how she was, i was understanding yet, lacking understading .

I was a bit funny when she was with her master or some people but thought little of it, BUT then she said she had fallen for me and i knew i had her.

Now thats in small part the problem, i've not been in love for a long time and this is a totally new way of things for me, i do get envious of of her other partners some days. But one in general has me becuase he is close by and she can see him easily, Even has a pet name for him. So i feel a bit shattered and though she said its nothing to worry about i see less and less of her.

In general i'm reading the ethical slut and trying to get my head around the jealousy and sluts in love setion. NEITHER is helping but in part actually making it worse.

I know in part my own lack of any other connection bar her is a problem and sadly its like being any single guy, Slowly and surely things will come along.

I just am annoyed the book says "relax jealousy is ok" but i'm not learning to feel better about it because it says i need my needs to be met "which they aren't" And i don't know what in the dark lords name to do about it.

Gah at world

Bryce
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  #2  
Old 12-21-2009, 11:36 PM
Malkie Malkie is offline
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Default Who are you?

Hello world

Gah at the dark lord?

Last edited by Malkie; 12-21-2009 at 11:41 PM.
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  #3  
Old 12-22-2009, 05:50 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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It sounds like your jealousy is indicating that you are feeling insecure on some level. The way to get around that is to try to enforce your feelings of security. How you do that is very individualistic.

If you are the logical type, you could think abut the good times you have together and realize that there is no reason for her to give that up.

You could talk to her and talk about what each of you likes in the other. You could tell her you are feeling a little insecure and would like to know she wants to be with you.

Some of your jealousy could be envious over her other partner. Dealing with that takes other approaches. You could try to feel compersion by being happy that she is happy. Or you could realize that what you two have together is unique and that is something that is not between them. Or you could try to focus on the idea that since you are apart more often, your time together will be that much more special.
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  #4  
Old 12-22-2009, 07:31 AM
Malkie Malkie is offline
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Cool Wellllllll :)

Hello world

Yes'em jealousy in part, but more envy in whole.. In a way yes i worry about losing those i care about as "me caring about anyone" is a rarity. Its love actually. I wasn't meant to fall for her as my head kept saying. Heart had other ideas.

I always saw myself as a slut without attachment seems it doesn't work. But yes thinking about the good things she loves me also which was a bit of a oh my gosh moment for her also.

I did speak to her and she did settle things, i in a great part just don't have as many people to goto for any kind of support which is in my way what i'm envious of compared to the people.

But she had said to me i was that one person she could goto for anything, which everyone says lol.

But yeah i do have some insecurities.. I've found partners but in a bad sense they all have gotten greatly attached rather quickly. I i'm just amazed i found this girl to begin with lol.

Thankyou for your words.

Bryce
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  #5  
Old 12-22-2009, 10:21 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Default

I have to say that I didn't do too well with the Ethical Slut book, and I know other poly folks that haven't either.

One of the ways of thinking that I have found useful is to stop thinking of jealousy as the problem, but instead as a symptom. A symptom that you are not getting something that you feel you should bet getting.

This may be due to you having unrealistic expectations about what the relationship has to offer, but it might also be that your perfectly reasonable desires aren't being met.

Either way the best way to try to resolve this is to communicate with your loved one(s). Try to get to the bottom of what is going on, and see if you can reach some sort of agreement about how your needs can be met... or if they can't maybe you need to move on.
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