So about 3 months ago, my husband and I entered into a quad relationship with another couple (swapping partners) with the intention of it only being for play in the beginning. As we went along, we've discussed the possibility of feelings. We've never been opposed to them because we know how strong we are in our own relationship, and I know that I tend to get feelings (even just a little) for the guys that I've slept with in the past with our open relationship.
Well, since feelings are ok in this (discussed with the other couple as well), mine have always definitely been the most obvious, but since I was the only one, I place them in the back of my mind.
Until about 2 weeks ago.
That's when the other 3 wanted to talk about feelings and start trying to put labels on their own feelings.
-My husband doesn't really have any for the other woman, he just enjoys her company, and really enjoys the sex outside the marriage.
-She is starting to get feelings for my husband, that are more than friends, but not love at this time.
-He has realized that he does indeed have a lot of feelings for me, almost love even, but I think he's scared to admit that many feelings for me.
-I have realized that I am in love. With my husband AND this other man. Neither love takes away from the other, and it's pretty awesome and kind of scary at the same time.
In feeling these new feelings, I want to spend as much time as possible with this other man. He and I work together, and we are completely hands off at work, but when we do have our swap nights, there is so much passion and love that one could get lost in it.
I guess the problem lies in that I feel bad. I feel bad that I'm wanting to spend time with this other man. I feel bad that my husband and I don't have that excitement, and I understand it's a newness factor, but it still sucks. I also feel bad that there are feelings between me and the other man, and that my husband and the other woman don't get to experience what we have.
I'm not even sure that it really is a problem, but it can lead to hurt feelings from time to time, and I guess I'm just looking for advice from others who are more experienced. I don't have anyone in my real life that I can talk to other than the other 3.
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Questions?
I welcome all.
|feelings, quad, relationship dynamics|