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  #21  
Old 06-07-2009, 07:03 AM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by cherrygirl View Post
Whoa, what? How am I hurting many? There's not been anybody else in 7 years that was remotely interested in me.

And the two guys I mentioned in my OP would never have been okay with sharing. Not in a million years.

Like I said, it was tongue in cheek. You only hurt the ones you turned away. If you didn't turn them away, and they couldn't handle poly in the first place, you probably didn't hurt anyone.

At some point, you have to develop your own moral standards, or choose those which are spoonfed by a religion or the society in general. I didn't like being spoonfed by a bunch of (excuse my reference) "trained monkeys" who were trained by the monkeys before them, and apparently were misguided into thinking that you can spend your life loving just one other person, and the rest of the world can go to hell. It just doesn't create a great societal model, if you can understand that relational thought.

Last edited by alphafour; 06-07-2009 at 07:08 AM.
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  #22  
Old 06-07-2009, 07:07 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by cherrygirl View Post
Is that directed at me?

If you want it to be.

Can't one say something about a topic, without it being directed "at" some individual?

I made the comment

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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I think it's unfair to assume that just because someone CAN be in love with more than one other person, that it means they are SEEKING to do so.
because of this statement:

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Originally Posted by RaleighGuy View Post
Most of us don't fall in love on purpose. So making a second emotional connection is more like finding a four-leafed clover- it's a lucky accident. Spending a lot of time in clover patches can increase the odds, however.
But the first comment was not directed "at" Raleigh Guy. Just because someone makes a remark, it doesn't have to be a counterpoint. It was about something I've observed in real life.

I'm not explaining this any further. If I offended anyone, then I'm sorry they were offended.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-07-2009 at 07:23 AM.
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  #23  
Old 06-07-2009, 10:43 AM
StarGazer StarGazer is offline
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Originally Posted by cherrygirl View Post
Why isn't one person enough?
Do you have more than one friend? If so- why? Isn't one friend enough? Actually, if you have any friends: why isn't your partner enough for you? Why do you need friends when you've got your partner?

I don't put enough distinctions between relationships- I don't see how a friendship is so different from a romantic/sexual relationship. I know they are different, but I don't see why your partner is the only relationship where you're limited to one. People can have many friends, even several best friends, etc- yet having more than one partner is inconceivable. Why does it make sense that one friend isn't enough, but is inconcievable that one partner isn't?

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Originally Posted by dakid View Post
i am queer and many of my friends are too. many of us have in our youth grappled with the old chestnut "why am i not heterosexual?".
Offtopic, but I never wondered that. I never once wondered why I was asexual, transsexual, or anything else. I more wondered what was wrong with everyone else in the world that they weren't, or assumed that everyone else really was. Ah, youth.

Last edited by StarGazer; 06-07-2009 at 10:46 AM.
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  #24  
Old 06-07-2009, 10:54 AM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Cherrygirl, what are your thoughts now? You've gotten a lot of good feedback. Just curious.
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  #25  
Old 06-07-2009, 02:34 PM
cherrygirl cherrygirl is offline
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@ YGirl, I wasn't offended.

@ StarGazer - To be completely honest with you, I have Asperger's. I have many acquaintances, but not anybody I could consider a friend, besides him.

@ Danny - I don't know what I think. I think I'm more confused now.
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  #26  
Old 06-07-2009, 03:38 PM
StarGazer StarGazer is offline
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Originally Posted by cherrygirl View Post
@ StarGazer - To be completely honest with you, I have Asperger's. I have many acquaintances, but not anybody I could consider a friend, besides him.
My partner is my best and only friend, as well. That makes more sense about your problem- can't give you an answer.

If I found people, and the magic combination that'd let it work with me and my partner- I think I'd love it. I don't need that many people, and having a select few very close-knit friends/partners who are essentially married (legally or not) to each other in a family seems like a wonderful idea. It's not all there is to poly, I know there are problems, all relationships have problems, but that's basically what I'd like. A triad or quad or whatever like that. Basically a family with more than 2 adults living with and supporting each other and any offspring. Things like that always seemed like a more than 2 person job for me- I'd probably be happy with a non-traditional family, the love and such is more important than the romantic relationships or partnerships. So I don't know where I stand.


Most "normal" people (the ones who look like your from outer space because you like not having friends ) use the same logic, or something along hte lines of how while it's okay to have as many frineds as you please- having more than one partner is wrong. Which just makes no sense to me. But if your partner is your only real friend as well- I can certainly understand the confusion.
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  #27  
Old 06-07-2009, 03:53 PM
cherrygirl cherrygirl is offline
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I did say in my second post about my best friend, but I haven't seen her in like three years. We just kind of drifted apart. So, he really is my only friend. His best friend likes me, and considers me a friend, but I barely know her or her family. It feels kind of odd to be called a friend by somebody I don't really know.
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  #28  
Old 06-07-2009, 04:41 PM
dakid dakid is offline
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Originally Posted by StarGazer View Post
I never once wondered why I was asexual, transsexual, or anything else. I more wondered what was wrong with everyone else in the world that they weren't, or assumed that everyone else really was. Ah, youth.
yes i was like that a bit

Last edited by dakid; 12-15-2009 at 10:59 PM.
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  #29  
Old 06-10-2009, 05:40 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
I didn't like being spoonfed by a bunch of (excuse my reference) "trained monkeys" who were trained by the monkeys before them, and apparently were misguided into thinking that you can spend your life loving just one other person, and
No offence my friend, but if this is truly your views on all people in lifelong monogamous relationships you may want to consider some anger management or at least tolerance counselling. This forum is generally about finding understanding and ways to improve poly relationships, not attacking specific love styles. Some people actually do spend their life loving just one other person, to think otherwise is very close minded and therefore un-polyamorous.

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 06-10-2009 at 05:44 PM.
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  #30  
Old 06-10-2009, 07:50 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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why am I poly, or more to the point why does poly work for me?

well, for me thats easy, I've spent far too much of my life thinking and trying to deicde what I want, why I want it, how I want it, why I don't want somehting else and so on............... simply put, I've found my answers.

I AM bisexual, not confused, not greedy, not unwilling to choose, I AM poly, not mono, not confused or anything else. You see, what I discovered along the way to discovering myself is that irregardless of what I try to do, I continually love more than one person, it really is that simple. And for all involved being honest and open and up front about it, is soooooooooo much better and less harmful and less painful then trying to force myself or anyone I love into a box/label/idea/norm we just don't fit into.

what makes me love more than one? that I really don't know, I simply know I do and I am never ever going to lie, or try to be something I'm not or pretend in any manner about it ever again. That way lies far too much pain I've found.

for those who are mono, well thats great for them. mono to me is as foreign as being heterosexual. i thought i was because i didnt know the way i felt was something different, and i was always told/shown/instructed 'love looks like this, it doesnt look like your mind suggests'.

i'm just different, and my love is different.
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