Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-07-2012, 10:31 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

I met my ex-husband at a dance club - but for people met while already poly? Both my husband and boyfriend through OKcupid. OKC also has led to a couple dates here or there with nice people. For in person, at poly friendly parties I did meet one girl I had a couple dates with, and some decent people at a weekly poly friendly bowling.

I've only felt some sort of instant chemistry 3 times in the last 8 years though - one was the above mentioned woman, the other two were in everday situation where I wouldn't have known how to turn the interaction into flirting even if it didn't seem kind of inappropriate, so I am guessing I'm stuck with OKC. I figure since neither my husband or boyfriend were instant connections I don't have anything to lose by going that route Either that or become an extroverted social fiend, which seems less likely...
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 01:29 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,862

I met MrS at a party while he was home on spring break my senior year of high school - waited 4 months to seduce him and then took another 6 months to admit that we were in a "relationship".

Met Dude at his grandmother's house when MrS took me to meet his snake (which he needed a home for). 4 months later I "met" him again - in my basement TV room - and "sparks" happened.

VV was MrS's college friend, MsJ married our friend.

I hate dating and doubt I would ever meet anyone that wasn't already a friend or a friend-of-a-friend.


PS. for the record - Dude says he has met every girlfriend he has ever had in someone's living room...
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 02:02 AM
Bluecircle's Avatar
Bluecircle Bluecircle is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 5

Thank you, JaneQ! Note to self "visit more living rooms".
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 02:16 AM
Alleycat's Avatar
Alleycat Alleycat is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 80

Met the Wife thru a mutual friend one summer evening many years ago. We lived very close to each other in the neighbourhood, and apparently I had caught her eye weeks ago in passing on a bus. (Although at the time I hadn't noticed her . . .. yet)

Met the girlfriend outside a bar I frequent, she had just moved into the area at the time, She had actually stopped there to borrow a lighter and find something to do that evening, ended up having a few beers with me and a couple of my friends that evening.

Previous partners and flings I've met at work, in bars, at concerts and shows, in line for coffee in the morning . . . . . . . pretty much anywhere.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 02:46 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640

This is an excellent thread because so many people come on here asking "how do you meet other poly people?" Although I tend to look down my nose at people who are frantically searching for partners, i think they deserve a better answer than "try OKCupid and look for poly groups and meet-ups in your area". Yet, at the same time, telling them "just go about your life and do stuff that interests YOU and you will find partners, but you won't find anyone if you're TRYING too hard", while appealing to those of us for whom that has been the case, is like trying to describe some activity, such as skydiving, that can only be appreciated by experience (I have never gone sky-diving). People are also often told to look for poly people at Ren Faires and the SCA. That always gets a laugh out of me because how desperate do you have to be to take up a hobby or activity you'd hitherto had no interest in JUST BECAUSE there might be poly people there. I mean, people have ulterior motives in all sectors and walks of life, but I still find it creepy that the relationship-needy individual is just hanging around to scope people out, like a guy who signs up for a sewing circle JUST to be around females.

Anyway, I'm going off. The point of this post was to express appreciation for all these real-life examples being collected in one place.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 03:01 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I mean, people have ulterior motives in all sectors and walks of life, but I still find it creepy that the relationship-needy individual is just hanging around to scope people out, like a guy who signs up for a sewing circle JUST to be around females.
Or a cooking class.

You just reminded me... back in the early '90s when a friend of mine and I decided we wanted to find more sensitive men to date, so we attended a lecture by Sam Keen. He had just written Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man. My friend and I kept joking we were on a manhunt. Oh, boy, we decided never to do that again., although I did get a date from someone I met there who took me to a Bruce Springsteen concert, but that bored me to tears.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 05:35 AM
Fiona Fiona is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 57

Met my husband through mutual friends almost half our lifetimes ago. We didn't date until many years later, and have been together nearly ten years.

My partner - we met at a mutual friend's birthday party. I had an intense and immediate crush on him, but avoided doing anything about it because I thought he was too young/uninterested. Four months later, we really started talking (and making out) at a party at the same friend's house (I later found out that this friend had told him that I was attracted to him.) We've been together for about 1.5 years now.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 03:16 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,341

Met my partner in high school, reconnected at our 20th reunion, although we were both married, our friendship grew, our marriages ended, and our relationship began.

His OSO went to HS with us too, but she'd moved away sophomore year and we all reconnected on Facebook, basically a little after the 20-year mark.

If we're bringing up exes, I met mine in college. Stay in school, kids!
Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 07:15 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 256

All online.

I met Fly in an internet chatroom (not romance or sex related) on AOL.

I met Punk through OKCupid.

Fly found Moonlight on AFF because he wanted to experience a FMF threesome. He totally had to talk me into it - there was no pressure, but I was definitely reluctant because I'm not a big casual sex fan. I'm so glad I decided to go along with it!

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2012, 01:21 PM
Anek's Avatar
Anek Anek is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 45

Both on OKC. I met my ex when sunbathing in the park.
Reply With Quote

advise, approaching someone, asking people out, dating, dating friends, dating sites, finding someone, first time, flirting, like-minded, married and dating, meet ups, meeting new partners, meeting people, new to polyamory, okc, online dating, poly dating, primary, primary/secondary, quad dating, secondary, sex, small town, solo, third partner, thirds, tips

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:23 PM.